My Biggest Fear is Letting Go
by Okay.Stiff46
Summary: Tris is starting her Junior year. She's suffered from depression ever since she was abandoned by her best friend, for a reason she still doesn't know. She came up with 'other' ways to deal with pain, her brother wasn't pleased. She still has great friends who are there since she was a kid, but it doesn't seem to be enough. What happens when she meets a Blue-eyed Senior? Fourtris
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey my amazing, wonderful, crazy, Fangirl/boy, pansycake fanfiction readers! How is everyone!**

**New Year, New Story! Happy New Year!**

**I am super stoked to be writing this story! And go check out my other stories "My Recurring Nightmare" (still in progress) and "Why do you care?" (Complete)**

_**What I am about to say is important I would like you all to read please!**_

_**Okay. So this is no original High school Fourtris story. I know a lot of people say that. But I mean it this time. (This is a Fourtris story. they are my only OTP) ANYWAYS, **_

_**This story is going to be kind of based off my life. No, my best friend has never moved away, and No, I never had my brother abandon me. **_

_**90% of the things Tris is going through, or her feelings are the same as mine. I'm getting really deep and emotional in this story. So if you could please not hate too much on it. Because this is really personal to me. **_

_******Tris is 5 when they meet. Tobias is 6. He moves away when He is 13 and when she is 12. He was gone for 4 years******_

**Okay. I really hope you guys will like this. This chapter will be pretty long. I'm trying to help you guys understand the story. It will go from a quick Tris's Pov then a short Tobias's Pov then the rest will be in Tris's Pov. **

**I know that's a little confusing. But its necessary to understand the story. **

**There will be a couple of flashbacks but again, necessary.**

**Please Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to the amazing, wonderful, talented, much better writer than I am, Veronica Roth!**

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><p><strong>Tris's Pov<strong>

"If I could hold back the Rain, Would you numb the pain? Cause I remember, Everything-" Thats where I turn off my alarm.

Do you ever wake up and just for a second - one peaceful, amazing second - and you just kind of forget everything? Then the past, it hits you like a pound of bricks? It comes down on you so fast that it almost sucks the air out of your lungs?

Every morning for the last 4 years I have woken up thinking I would see him today, just like everyday. We would hang out, maybe even go to our spot and talk about anything that comes to mind. Then it hits me.

I remember...

He's gone.

* * *

><p><strong>Four's Pov:<strong>

"Where are you? And I'm so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always -" I groan and turn off the alarm.

That song always reminds me of her. That's why its my alarm so I always wake to the thought of her.

I left her and I couldn't even tell her why. It was 4 years ago, and we were just kids. It wasn't my fault that my damned father would kill the both of us if we talked anymore, but a 13 year old boy should never go through that pressure, of.. well one, having to say goodbye to his best friend. And two getting beaten for the fact that he had one.

When he made me move, I thought I lost her forever. But last month he got re-located back to Chicago, and I'm back in my childhood home. The one that still haunts me everyday. She is here too, and she lives next door.

I don't know if I should tell her its me. I've changed so much, she may not even remember me; then again, would she_want _to remember me? I always wonder what she looks like now. Does she still have her beautiful smile? Do her eyes still sparkle slightly when she looks up at the sky? Does her Blonde hair still shimmer and turn almost a Strawberry color when the sunset hits it just right? Does her voice still flow like honey? Does she still wear her bracelet?

I lift up my wrist and look at the thin black leather bracelet on my arm. Engraved lightly with a heart that has a 'B' in the middle of it. Hers has a 'T'.

I never took it off because I thought, if she was wearing hers then in a way we would always be together. Cheesy, but it makes sense.

I'm terrified to tell her... When she remembers me, _if _she remembers me, she will remember that little boy. The little boy she knew is gone. He may be in there but he's deep down, hidden by shame, secrets, and scars.

But I need to tell her. Because I was gone for so long, I'm the coward who never told her what was happening at home.

I'm the one who left her.

_I_ left _her._

* * *

><p><strong>Tris's Pov: (last p.o.v change)<strong>

I groan and roll out of my bed. I stand and go over to my walk-in-closet. My house is pretty big. There are two stories; It has 5 bedrooms and 5 full bathrooms with 1 half bath.

It has a large attic that I turned into my space. It has a bunch of chairs, books, and a large widow. Perfect for me. The basement, which has been turned into a gym/movie room. An outdoor pool and a large patio.

Today is the first day back at school. Which is good because I haven't seen my friends in about a week. Well besides Christina. Everyone else has been out of town or with their families.

I get a plain black crop top, that stops right at my belly button, It doesn't show too much skin, but it shows me tattoos on my collar bone that I got about 6 months back. Three Ravens in flight to my heart, one for my mom, one for my brother Caleb, and one for Him. Why my father isn't represented will be explained later. I slip on some tight black leggings and my combat boots. I also grab a leather jacket to cover my arms.

I walk over to my nightstand and grab my phone. Next to it I see my leather bracelet, and beside it I see a frame that has a picture of me and him in it. It's the picture my mother took when we first met. I put on the bracelet and tie it as I think of when that picture was taken.

***_FLASHBACK*_**

_"Honey! Are you ready?" I hear my mother shout from down stairs. _

_I open my bedroom door and bolt down the stairs, "Beatrice!" My father growls "What did I tell you about running in the house" My father scolds me, his voice just above a whisper. _

_I bow my head "Sorry Sir" I whisper_

_"You damn hellion" He mumbles as he walks past me. _

_I walk quickly into the dining area where my mother is setting the table and my brother is filling up glasses of water. _

_"He's angry with me" I mumble to my mother. She bends down and kisses my forehead tenderly. "It's alright sweetie" _

_The doorbell rings and Caleb, my brother, who is 4 years older than me, runs to answer the door. _

_There stands a little boy who looks around my age. A tall man with black pits as eyes. Then a thin woman with a kind smile. _

_Through out dinner I found out their names were, Mr. and Mrs. Eaton, and the little boy's name was Tobias. After dinner my mother told me and Tobias to go play. So I took him out to the back yard. _

_"So how old are you Beatrice?"_

_"I'm Five" I respond. _

_"I'm Six" He grins. I smile back. _

_"Hey I want to show you something" I grab his hand and led him into the woods that are behind my house. _

_"Beatrice. Where are we going?" He asked_

_"Don't be a pansycake" I said. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "What's that?" He asked_

_"Its a word I learned from my friend Uriah. He actually lives across the street. You'll meet him tomorrow. It means Coward" _

_He nodded. "Do you know anyone else at school?" He asked_

_I nodded "There is Zeke. Uriah's older brother he's six. Then Shauna who is Six and her sister Lynn who is five who lives next door to Zeke and Uriah. Christina and Will who are five. They are neighbours that live five houses down from me. And Marlene who is five that lives three houses down from you" _

_"That's funny that you we all live on the same street" He grinned. "I know. It's fun. I see them all the time" _

_"Beatrice?" He questioned again after about 5 minutes of walking. _

_I stopped and turned to look at him "Just trust me?" He nods, so I keep walking_

_After about two more minutes of walking, we finally came up to this big clearing in the middle of the woods. It was truly beautiful here._

_"Come on" I tugged on his hand again and he followed me. We walked across the clearing, which was about 50 feet, and there was this large pond. Full of Frogs, little Turtles, and tiny Fish. I sat down at the edge, where the water met the grass, but I didn't touch the water. Tobias sat down beside me after a second. _

_"So are we friends?" Tobias asked, looking at me nervously_

_I nodded eagerly. "I would love to be your friend Tobias!" _

_He gives me a big toothy smile and he stands. "This is now our spot" He declares. I stood as well and stuck my hand out. _

_We shook hands and he twirls me around and I fall against his chest. Giggling like a maniac. He just stands there and chuckles, I'm not sure if he's laughing at the situation or me.. Probably both. _

_"We need to get back before they come looking" Tobias says after our laughing fit. I nod and take off running. When I'm about 10 feet away I yell. "Race ya!" _

_"Hey!" Tobias shouts and he starts running as well. He has long legs for a six year old so he catches up to me pretty quick. _

_When we reach my back yard, my hair is wind blown and my cheeks are red. I love this feeling! _

_"Beatrice?" I hear my mother ask. I look up to see my mom sitting outside on the patio with Mrs. Eaton. _

_"They look so cute together" Mrs. Eaton says smiling at my mother. She nods eagerly in agreement. _

_"I'm going to grab my camera" My mother says then runs inside. Within a few seconds she's back and tells us to smile._

_Tobias puts his left arm around my shoulder and I put my right arm around his waist. We both smile largely as my mother captures the moment. _

_"Come on sweetie, time to go. You'll see Beatrice tomorrow at school" Mrs. Eaton says. Tobias nods and smiles at me. He wraps me in a hug. _

_"See you tomorrow Beatrice" He, his mother and father walk outside and next door to their house. _

_"Come on. It's time for bed" My mother says as she leads me upstairs. I change my clothes quickly and jump in bed. She kisses my forehead and turns off the light,_

_I fall asleep dreaming about a sweet boy, with big blue eyes. _

**_*End of Flashback*_**

Apparently someone moved into Tobias's house last week. I never saw anyone except the hired movers. So I still have no idea who lives there now.

I get snapped out of my thoughts by a knocking on my door.

"Tris? You in there?"

I open the door to see my mom's best friend/Zeke and Uri's mom.

"Hey Hana. Uh.. How did you get in here?" I ask while giving her a quick hug.

"I've had a key for years" She says like its obvious. She is the coolest out of all of our parents. My mom is amazing, beautiful, kind, always okay with almost everything. But she's never home. I actually don't know where she is. I think somewhere in New York. She is a traveling doctor. So she's barely ever home.

I nod. "So what's up?"

"After I got Zeke and Uriah up, I wanted to make sure you were getting ready for school"

I grab by bag off the chair that's behind the door, "Ready"

She smiles and we walk down stairs.

"Do you want to come over for breakfast? Or me to make you something?" She offers. I shake my head. "I'll just pick something up on my way" That's a lie

She nods and says goodbye. Then walks out the door.

I grab my keys and get into my Black Boss 302.

It's not that I don't eat. I just don't get very hungry. I kind of just eat when I feel like it.

I arrive at Dauntless high and park my car next to a 2013 Black Camaro with a red racing stripe down the center. I wonder who that belongs to..

I walk inside and get my time table from Tori. The coolest teacher here. She also runs a tattoo parlour that she said I could have a job in if I wanted it.

Beatrice "Tris" Prior. Junior Year. Locker: 164 Combination: 10-4-6

1st Period. Math- Mr. Brown (MAX)

2nd Period. Chemistry- Ms. Matthews

3rd. Period. Music- Ms. Wu (TORI)

4th Period. Lunch

5th Period. Home Room - Ms Reyes

6th Period. Art- Ms. Wu (TORI)

"See you in 3rd period" I say to Tori and walk out. I bump into someone and almost fall over.

"Trissy Poo!" I cringe at the name and look up.

"Hey Uriah" He gives me a big hug and I flinch because he's crushing my arms.

He pulls back and grabs my time table.

"EEEKKK!"

"Uriah. You are worse than Christina" I complain.

"I take that as a complement!" He shouts. I take my paper and walk to my locker. I grab the books I need and walk to class.

"Hey Tris!" Max smiles. I give him a tight smile.

"Sit anywhere" He tells me and I pick the seat in the second to back row on the right.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see some guy sits next to me and he does a double take when he sees me.

I turn my head and make eye contact with him. He has the deepest blue eyes. "Can I help you?" I say, annoyance clear in my voice.

He opens his mouth to speak, but Max starts talking

"Okay class. Since its the first day, I'll be nice and there won't be a quiz or anything" There are some cheers from the class.

"But, I do want you all to get to know each other. So I will be shouting out names, and those people will find each other after school and hang out. Get to know each other. Do whatever you want. Movies, Mall, Your house. I don't care. Just no making out please" A couple people laugh

"Alright. So here are the pairings.

Christina and Katy

Amy and Will

Clara and Marlene

Justin and Uriah

Amber and Zeke

Lea and Shuana

Alex and Lynn

Four and Tris.

Kat and -"

I zone out for the rest of the names. Who is Four? Who names their child Four?

I hear the bell ring and I grab my bag. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around. It's the guy that sat next to me.

"Hi. I'm Four"

"How do you know I'm Tris?" He shrugs

"Took a wild guess" His eyes flicker left.

"Okay. Um. What is your next class?"

"Chemistry" He responds, looking at the sheet of paper in his hands

"Me too" I say "You want me to show you to class?"

He nods and we walk to Chemistry in comfortable silence.

"TIME SKIP TO MUSIC"

It turns out me and Four have the same schedule. But he is a senior. He said he's 17.

We walk into class and I see Christina and the rest of the Group. I head over and sit down next to them

"Guys. This is Four. He's new here. Four this is Zeke, Uriah, they are brothers. Shauna and Lynn, they are sisters. Will, Christina, and Marlene. Mar and Uri are dating. Zeke and Shauna are dating and Will has a huge crush on Christina he just hasn't had the balls to ask her out yet" I say and Will's cheeks flare bright red

"You suck Tris" he mumbles from the seat behind me. I smirk at him. I can't help but feel the pang in my chest when I introduced everyone and I didn't mention Tobias. I wonder if he could believe that everyone is dating now. Would he and I be dating?

"Hey everyone!" Tori shouts over the talking when she walks into the room.

"Okay. So there is not much to do today.. I want everyone to come up here and sing a song for us. Who wants to go first?"

No one raises their hand so I slowly raise mine, even though I hate being the center or attention.

"Alright Tris, Come on up. Is it a song you wrote or just a song?"

"A song I wrote" I say quietly. She nods and smiles at me

I slowly make my way over to the piano and sit down.

I let my fingers rest on the keys and I slowly start to play

_This is a story, that I have never told._

_I gotta get this off my chest to let it go._

_I gotta take back the light inside you stole. You're a criminal._

_And you steal like you're a pro. All the pain and the truth, _

_I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed, so confused. _

_I was broken and bruised. _

_But now I'm a warrior. Now I got thicker skin. I'm a warrior. I'm stronger than I've ever been._

_And my armor, is made of steel. You can't get in. I'm a warrior, and you can never hurt me again._

_Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire._

_You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar._

_I've got shame, I've got scars. That I will never show. _

_I'm a survivor. __In more ways than you know_

_Cause all the pain and the truth. __I wear like a battle wound_

_So ashamed, so confused __I'm not broken or bruised_

_'Cause now I'm a warrior. __Now I've got thicker skin; __I'm a warrior_

_I'm stronger than I've ever been. __And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in._

_I'm a warrior. __And you can never hurt me..._

_There's a part of me I can't get back_

_A little girl grew up too fast. __All it took was once, I'll never be the same_

_Now I'm taking back my life today. There's n__othing left that you can say_

_Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway_

_Now I'm a warrior. __I've got thicker skin. __I'm a warrior_

_I'm stronger than I've ever been. __And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in_

_I'm a warrior. And __you can never hurt me again_

_No oh, yeah, yeah_

_You can never hurt me again._

I finish and there are tears in my eyes. But I absolutely refuse to them then fall. I don't hear any clapping or anything, actually. So I stand and quietly walk back to my seat with my head down. In front of me I see someone stand. I look up and see Four.

He grins so largely it looks like his face might break in two. He starts clapping like a maniac and everyone follows.

I look to my right and see Christina standing and clapping with a couple streaks of black trailing down her face. Make-up and crying are a bad mix.

Once the clapping dies down Four says he wants to go next.

He grabs the acoustic guitar and sits down on a stool.

"Okay" Tori sniffles. "Four. What are you going to sing?"

"Uhm... This is a song I wrote a long time ago" She nods

He starts strumming effortlessly on the strings and when he starts to sing, my eyes go wide and my hands start to shake

**_*FLASH BACK* Four years ago! (THIS FLASH BACK IS REALLY IMPORTANT)_**

**_Tris is 12 Tobias is 13_**

_I walk over to Tobias's house. His mother passed away two days ago and his father is at work so I am spending time with him today. _

_I let myself inside and walk upstairs. I'm about to knock on his bedroom door when I hear music coming from the attic. I pull the steps down and walk up. I see Tobias sitting in the corner with a guitar on his lap strumming different cords. _

_"Hey" I say quietly. He whips his head around and his face softens when he sees me. I sit down with my legs crossed, in front of him_

_"I didn't know you played" I say pointing to the __instrument__ in his lap._

_"Oh.. Yea. I found it a couple of months ago up here and started playing. I just kind of picked it up by myself" _

_I smile. "What were you just playing?"_

_"Something I wrote last night" he answers looking down_

_"Can I hear it?" I ask. He nods and starts strumming the guitar _

**_*FLASH BACK OVER*_**

_My hands are cold, my body's numb_

_I'm still in shock, what have you done?_  
><em>My head is pounding, my vision's blurred<em>  
><em>Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word<em>

_And I hurt so bad, that I search my skin_  
><em>For the entry point, where love went in<em>  
><em>And ricocheted and bounced around<em>  
><em>And left a hole when you walked out, yeah<em>

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room_  
><em>Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?<em>  
><em>I don't know how much more love this heart can lose<em>  
><em>And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds<em>  
><em>Wounds!<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>  
><em>Exit wounds<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>

_Marks of battle, they still feel raw_  
><em>A million pieces of me, on the floor<em>  
><em>I'm damaged goods, for all to see<em>  
><em>Now who would ever wanna be with me?<em>

_I've got all the baggage, drink the pills_  
><em>Yeah, this is living but without the will<em>  
><em>I'm backing out, I'm shutting down<em>  
><em>You left a hole when you walked out, yeah<em>

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room_  
><em>Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?<em>  
><em>I don't know how much more love this heart can lose<em>  
><em>And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds<em>  
><em>Wounds!<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>  
><em>Exit wounds<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>

_[x3]_  
><em>Lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are<em>

_Lose your clothes and show your scars..._

_Marks of battle, they still feel raw_  
><em>A million pieces of me, on the floor<em>

_I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room_  
><em>Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?<em>  
><em>I don't know how much more love this heart can lose<em>  
><em>And I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds<em>  
><em>Wounds!<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>  
><em>Exit wounds<em>  
><em>Where they're leaving, the scars you're keeping<em>

When he sings the last verse there is a loud roar of applause. Screaming and Cheering.

He walks back to his seat with his head down and is suddenly very interested in his hands.

Is Four... Tobias?

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><p><strong>AN: OMG! I was so excited to write that! eeeekkkkkkk. **

**Okay! I hope you guys really liked it. **

**The songs were**

_**(Tris's alarm)**_

**Remember Everything by Five Finger Death Punch**

_**(Tobias's alarm)**_

**Miss You by Blink-182**

**Warrior by Demi Lavato. **

**Exit Wounds by The Script. **

**I DON'T OWN ANY OF THEM!**

**Please review, Fav and Follow. This really means a lot. Please tell me if you want me to continue!**

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

Roses are dead

Violets are dying

The outside I'm smiling

But the inside I'm crying.


	2. Chapter 2: Short chapter sorry

**A/N: HOLY SHIT! 25 reviews on ONE chapter?! You guys are amazing, you have no idea how much that means to me! :)**

_Lucy:_ **That's kind of weird, and cool and awesome! haha Thank you!**

_Oneta Astobi:_ **Okay, I'm not going to say it directly because it's going to be explained in this chapter, but I will say this to see if you can figure it out: "Across your pale skin, the pain bleeds away through a line, red and thin"**

_HIGHLADER:_ **Well, he is most definitely still in my life... But all I will say is "Mental and Verbal abuse" I will let your imagination do the rest.**

_Brave and Selfless:_ **Thank you so much. :D**

_mileyismyhorse:_** I've heard of them.. But no I don't think I've ever listened to them.**

_Waitingfortheworld0603:_ **Awh, Thank you. I just love cliff hangers :)**

_1FANGIRL:_ ** Thank you so much! I know! I may have more, but I'm not exactly sure when. **

_LivLuvLyfe:_ **Aw thank you! That means a lot :)**

_AppleOrchards:_ **Thank you, so much. That really means a lot. Haha. That's a really good way to think lol!**  
><span>

**So, I'm so happy you all liked it so much. I still can't get over the fact that I got 25 reviews. **

**Please enjoy this chapter. It's going to start off with a flashback from Tris. It will kind of explain where her Depression comes from. And her relationship with her father...**

**Again, A lot of this is based off of me. So please understand that... Thanks :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing! Everything I mention in this story belongs to it's respected owners.**

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><p><em><strong>Tris's Pov:<strong>_

I tried to talk to Four at school, but I didn't get a chance too. We are supposed to do this 'Get to know you' project tomorrow night, So I guess I could ask him then. When I got home I just had a little snack, since I was still full from lunch that I was forced to eat so Christina didn't jump down my throat to get an answer as to why I wasn't eating.

I went up to bed, considering that it was the first day of school, we didn't have any homework. It was only 8:30pm, but I collapsed on my bed. Christina dragged me to the mall and we shopped for a few hours. Resulting in her getting 6 bags and me getting 2. Mainly stuff from Hot Topic and a few forced items from Victoria's Secret.

The second I was on my bed, I fell asleep.

_***FLASHBACK/DREAM* Beatrice= 12|Tobias=13 (A week before he sang the song to Beatrice. A week before Evelyn dies)**_

_"Bye Tris, I'll see you tomorrow" Tobias said as we came up to our houses. He gave me a hug and walked into his house as I walked into mine. _

_"Beatrice?!" I heard my father call_

_I cringed. "Yes Sir?" I responded. _

_"Why are you 45 minutes late?" He questioned coming over to me, crossing his arms over his chest._

_"I- uh.. I w-walked home with Tobias" I stuttered. _

_"Is there a reason you couldn't get the bus?" He question while narrowing his eyes. _

_"Uh. Um. I had to help the teacher so Tobias stayed with me" That was a lie. We just wanted to walk home alone. _

_"You're lying" He snarled. _

_"N-no I'm not" Stop stuttering!_

_He walked closer to me and I walked backwards until I was cornered in the wall. _

_"You're nothing but a whore. A little bitch. You were never supposed to be born! I am disgusted to have you has a child!" He shouted at me. I knew he wouldn't hit me so I began to move out of the way, trying to get in my room. Until he took hold of my shoulder and forced me back in front of him.  
><em>

_"Now, I have everyone knowing that you're a little slut who walks home with boys?!" He screams in my face. I flinched and slumped into the wall. _

_"He is nothing but a trouble maker! You should hear what Marcus says about him! You both are damn hellions and you will be the bitch to get pregnant by the time you are 16!" I flinch at every word he says_

_"Andrew!" I hear my mother shout. _

_He turns around and glares daggers at her. "Oh don't give me that look. You know I can beat your ass. Beatrice get to your room. Andrew, I'm sick and tired of you insulting her!" My mother says. But I'm frozen in place. This is the first time my mother interfered. _

_"She deserves it!" He counters with her. _

_"No she doesn't. She's 12 years old, walking home with a friend! What the hell is wrong with you?!" My mother shouts. _

_"What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with her? With you! Why are you defending her! She should get a hell of a lot worse then she's getting now. She is the cause of all of this!" He screams._

_I am the cause of all of this. I feel tears well up in my eyes. _

_I run up the stairs to my room that is right across from my brother's. _

_I see him, Caleb, who is now 16, leaning against his door. Probably listening to the fighting. He looks and me and shakes his head disapprovingly. _

_"You should be ashamed of yourself" Then he walks into his room, locking the door. _

_One tear slides down my face. I run into my room and lock the door. I put down my book bag and fall on the bed. Sobbing. Everything is my fault. _

_It's all my fault. _

_*END OF FLASHBACK*_

I wake up, covered in sweat. I've had that nightmare for years. Being 16 now, it hurts even more.

Luckily, 1 year later, Andrew's job had relocated him to Washington D.C. Mom couldn't go with him, being a traveling doctor she couldn't move. She had to have her residence in Chicago. I sure as hell wasn't going to live with him.

So for the past 4 years I haven't had a best friend; and the last 3 years I haven't had a 'father'. I looked at the clock, its only 5:00am. School doesn't start until 8:00, but I might as well get ready now. I stood up and realized I was still in my clothes from yesterday.

I strip of them and walk into the bathroom that is connected to my room. I get the shower at a warm temperature, then I stand and let the water cascade down my back.

I do what I usually do in the shower, then I get out and wrap myself is a white towel. I put my hair in a towel as well. I wash my face, brush my teeth and blow dry my hair. I sit on the lid of my toilet, with only the towel around me.

I close my eyes and all his words circle through my head. _Bitch, Slut, Whore, Skank, Fat, Attention Whore, Not good enough, Loser, Never should've been born, and Accident, Worthless, Piece of shit. _

It all becomes too overwhelming. I open the box beside my sink and pull out a thin, shiny piece of metal.

I hold out my left arm, my forearm facing up. I lightly drag the blade across my pale skin. I automatically feel relief. The warm blood trickles down my forearm and the blade feels cold in my hands.

It stings, of course, but it helps with the pain. It helps me to think that he doesn't control me, he doesn't control how I feel. If I can't control how I feel about myself, I should at least me able to control my pain.

I remember the first time a razor kissed my skin. I was 14. It hurt like hell. I thought no one was home, so I let out a scream.

When Caleb entered the room it felt like time had stopped. He looked at me in shock. He started yelling, and swearing and telling me how stupid I was. A week later Caleb moved out. He must've stayed at a friend's house because he just turned 18 at the time and had 3 more months of high school left.

But me being a freshman and him being a senior, I never saw him. Mom has said he's at college now. But none of us know where.

After I add a few more cuts and clean up the blood I finish getting ready for the day.

I add light eyeliner and mascara. I walk over to my closet and take out a Long-sleeved black shirt, that was skin tight. Black skinny jeans and Black Vans.

By this time it was 7:45am. So I got in my car and drove to school.

I parked once again, next to the Camaro. I still don't know who's car it is, but I'm thinking it's Four's.

I walk in the doors, and halfway down the hallway to my locker. When I'm almost there I run into a brick wall, or maybe a person considering we both fall on our asses.

I look up about to yell at the person, but I am met with deep, blue eyes and a handsome face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay. I know this one was pretty short. But I thought it had a lot to take in and I didn't want it to be too much. **

**I'll update a longer chapter again tomorrow. I hope you all liked it, and understood Tris and Myself a little more. **

**This was a pretty emotional chapter... Well, for me anyways. I just kind of ****admitted something to all of you that I told myself I wouldn't tell anyone. So that's a pretty big deal for me... **

**Please Review. "My Recurring Nightmare" might be updated tonight. But no promises. More than likely, it will be updated tomorrow. **

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes **

**~M**

_"She puts her headphones in and drowns the world out._

_She's a pretty girl that no one talks about. _

_She doesn't say much. No one really cares. _

_Until she wears a tank top and they all get scared."_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone. How are you guys?!**

_Lucy:_** Lol its alright. Thank you :)**

_MariWoods:_ **Thank you so much. Means a lot**

_DauntlessRunner46:_ **Thank you. I was so nervous about doing that, but it turns our everything was okay. I appreciate your support. **

_turtleindisguised:_ **Thanks. If you need to talk you can PM me :)**

_1FANGIRL:_ **Awh, Thank you. I love your reviews. Always bring a smile to my face :)**

_Michaela46:_ **Wow, Thank you. I'm sorry for the crap you are going through. It means a lot what you said, but not all of that's true. I honestly can't control everything you said I could. I mean I can only control what I do on this website, but that's because no one knows I write on here... But yea, everything with my 'father' is real. A very similar scenario happened to me in real life (but of course I altered it to fit Tris and Tobias) but still... It really hurts. Thank you though for what you said :))**

_TheaWrites:_ **Thank you so much. I'm sorry, I hope you are doing better. By the way, you are an amazing writer! Update your stories soon :)**

_UnfortunatelyShattered:_ **Wow, I'm sorry. It's a good thing you didn't need any meds. I feel like taking meds just makes everything worse. Like every morning when you swallow the pill it gives you a reminder that something is wrong with you. (I never took any, but that's my view on them) But Thank you, It means a lot that so many people care :)**

**I am so sorry everyone that I didn't update. So much shit has been happening recently and I just never payed attention to my Fanfics... I literally cringed when I saw the last time I updated. **

**I was so overwhelmed with everything I had to do... ****I was so proud of myself.. I was 6 days clean.. Then I screwed everything up... **

**Well, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. :) **

**Disclaimer: The wonderful Veronica Roth owns Divergent, And I own nothing I mention in this story. **

* * *

><p>TRIS'S POV:<p>

_Previously:_

_I walk in the doors, and halfway down the hallway to my locker. When I'm almost there I run into a brick wall, or maybe a person considering we both fall on our asses. _

_I look up about to yell at the person, but I am met with deep blue eyes, and a handsome face._

"Hey Tris" He gives me an adorable lop-sided grin.. Woah wait.. Did I say adorable?

"Hi" I say not really interested. I grab my book off the ground and walk the rest of the way to my locker.

"Tris?"

I turn and see Four standing next to me. "Yea?"

"Well um." He scratches the back of his neck "We have that 'Get to know you' thing that Mr. Max told us to do"

"Yeah.. and?" I ask kind of getting annoyed.

"Well, did you want to do it tonight?"

"Sure. Why not" I respond

He grins a little "Can we do it at your house?"

I nod my head in response.

"Okay. Great" He smiles and walks off to what I assume is his locker.

"Hey Tris!" I turn and see Chris and Uriah walking up to their lockers that are next to mine.

"Hey"

"What we're you talking to Four about?" Chris asks wiggling her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes "The get to know you thing Mr Max told us to do. We are partners.

"Ooooo. Get some Girl!" Uriah shouts from my left.

I shake my head at him. But a small smile does creep on to my face.

I close my locker then turn around and lean against it looking to my right at Chris, who's head is in her locker.

"Is it just me or does Four remind you of Tobias?" I ask.

"Tris..." She sighs and closes the door. " I'm sorry, but he's gone. He probably won't ever be coming back" Chris says looking at me.

I sigh. "I know he's not Chris I've known since the morning he said goodbye.. okay"

***FLASHBACK* Tris 12 - Tobias 13 (after he sang to her. 2 nights since Evelyn died)**

_I wake up to a tapping on my window. _

_I pull back the curtains and see Tobias. I unlock and open up the window. _

_"Hey why are you up at..." I turn and look at the clock "4am?" _

_"Can you meet me at our spot please?" He almost sounds out of breath. I nod and close the window. _

_I put on a pair of black jeans and black converse. I slip on the dark grey sweatshirt I 'borrowed' from Tobias. Even though he is just 13 it's like 4 sizes too big on me. _

_I slowly walk down the stairs. Avoiding the creaks in the staircase. I go out the back door and close it as quietly as possible, barely making a sound. _

_I run into the woods and keep going until I make it to the clearing. I stop and breathe for a second. Then I run across the clearing and look around for Tobias. I squint my eyes in the darkness and see him sitting by the pond. _

_I walk over and sit __besides him._

_"So what's up?" I ask nudging his side. _

_"Tris..." He turns towards me. "Is that my sweatshirt?" I shrug. He smiles but it quickly fades. _

_"Tris, um... I don't.. I don't know how to say this"_

_I look at his face. His cheeks are glistening with tears. "Toby, what's wrong?" _

_He takes a shaky breath."I'm.. I'm moving"_

_My heart shatters.._

_"Beatrice. I'm sorry. I don't want to. I really don't. But my dad is getting relocated. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Or if I'm even coming back" more and more tears flow down his face. _

_I just stare at him. A silent tear runs down my cheek and his thumb stops it from trailing any farther down my face. _

_"Tris please say something" _

_"I.. when are you leaving?" I stutter. _

_"At noon. That's why I'm up so early" _

_"You. You can't leave" I breath out. _

_He cups my face with his hands. "I really want to stay Tris. But I can't"_

_He pulls me into his chest and my tears soak his shirt. "Tris, I need you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me"_

_"I love you Toby" I say. He sighs against my hair. "I love you too Tris"_

_He lets go of me and I stand up. He follows. He looks at me, his dark blue eyes shining like the night sky. _

_He sticks his hand out. I grab it and he spins me around so I fall on his chest. _

_"I'm going to miss you Toby" I whisper. _

_"Me too. I'll always remember you Beatrice" _

***flashback over* **

I get snapped out of my thoughts by the bell ringing. Me, Uriah and Christina walk to math.

(TIME SKIP BECUASE I HATE SCHOOL)

After the bell for lunch goes off the group and I, including Four walk to the lunch room.

Zeke declared that Four is now in the group because he, Four, Will and Uriah really hit it off.

We all grab our food and sit down at our table in the corner of the room.

"SO! I have an idea!" Uriah shouts

"AAnd that would be?" Shuana asks.

"All of us, guys should form a band" he states.

"Uh. Why?" Will asks.

"Think about it. Will, you are am amazing with a guitar and the piano. Zeke you are a beast on the drums. I play bass. And Four, your vocals are legit, and you play guitar. We should totally be considering this!" Uriah explains.

"Well, I'm in" Zeke agrees. "Will?" Uriah asks. He thinks about it for a minute "Yeah... I'm in"

"Four? You're the tie-breaker breaker buddy" Uriah says.

He looks at the table, then back to Uriah who is sporting the 'puppy face'

Four chuckles a little at Uri's face and nods his head "Alright. Alright I'm in"

"YES!" Uriah and Zeke screams.

"Omg! Guys! You can write a song then preform it at a Pedrad Party!" Christina shrieks. I flinch, her voice can get so loud.

"Or not" Four deadpans.

"Come on Four! Don't be a buzz kill" Uriah whines. Four just sighs knowing he'll be forced either way.

"Okay! So it's settled. You want to get together tonight?" Zeke asks

"Um. Tris and I have to do that project from Mr. Max" Four says.

"Oooooo!" Uriah shouts. I shake my head again.

We all laugh and finish our lunch.

(TIME SKIP TO THE END OF SCHOOL)

"So do you want to follow me home?" I ask Four

He nods. I walk out to my car and as I thought, he gets into the Camaro. "Nice car" He winks at me as he gets into his.

I rev up my engine and pull out of the school parking lot, with Four following.

I only live about 10 minutes away from the school so it doesn't take me long to get home.

I pull into my driveway and a second later Four pulls in beside me.

He has a smile on his face and is trying to hide it, but obviously, failing. I just brush it off and walk to the front door.

I unlock the door and put my bag down, Four does the same. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and toss him one as well.

I hoist myself up and sit on the counter top and he sits at one of the stools in front of the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"So, how should we do this?" I ask

He shrugs "Just ask questions?"

I shrug "Alright. What's your favorite color?" he asks me

"Such a cliche first question" I mumble. He smirks at me "Black and Grey"

"Black and Navy Blue" He responds.

"Alright. My turn. Um.. That song that you sung the other day... where did you get it from?"

"YouTube" He answers quickly. Of course... I told Toby when he first sung that song to me he needed to post it somewhere. I never knew he did...

"Tris?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, what's your question?"

"Why is the house so empty?" He asks timidly

"Oh, um.. My mom is a Traveling Doctor, and my dad works for the government and was relocated to D.C. My brother moved out and is in college somewhere" I respond

"You don't know what college he's at?" I shake my head. He frowns "Sorry" he whispers.

"Don't worry about it. Any siblings?"

"Nope.. Any hobbies?" he asks

"Um, I love art, music, books, hand-to-hand combat, and running. But I haven't tried out for Track or anything. I'm athletic, but I don't really do sports"

He smiles. "What's your favorite kind of music?"

I snort "It's not that simple"

He lightly chuckles. He's really cute when he does that... God, what am I saying.

"Okay then. Top 10 bands?" He compromises.

**(DON'T JUDGE)** "Of Mice&Men, The Color Morale, From First to Last, Fall out Boy, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens, Issues, Scarlet O'Hara, Hawthorn Heights, and We Came as Romans"

He stares at me in shock.

"Don't judge, their amazing" I smile at him.

He smiles back. "Tris, those are all my favorite bands"

"Really?" I ask with my eyebrows raised.

"Of course. They are so easy to connect with. I love Pierce the Veil's Bulletproof Love"

"Amazing. Really meaningful... I'm surprised that you like all of those bands. Not many do" I say.

"I think if they looked past the screaming that they find so 'emo' and listed to the lyrics they would probably get it" I nod in agreement.

I hop off the counter and start to walk up stairs and motion for him to follow me. I open the door to my room and fall on my bed.

"I'm so tired" I moan.

He laughs at me. I look up and see him sitting in my desk chair looking at the pictures on my wall. All pictures of me and the group as kids.

"Is that Uriah?" He asks pointing at a picture of Uriah who is around 8 in the picture. He is in his mom's room with a bra on top of his shirt, he's in her high heels and has lipstick in his hand.

I nod, while smiling.

"That is really good for black mailing" He smirks. I smile, Tobias said the same thing.

"So tell me more about yourself" Four says

"There is not much to tell" I say sitting up on my bed so my back is against the head board.

"Everyone has a story" He says

I shrug. "Do you have a story to tell?" I ask him with an eyebrow raised.

"I might. I just don't know if I'm willing to share it yet" He says quietly. I nod in understanding. I don't want to share mine either.

We sit in comfortable silence for a little while until he breaks it. "Shit" He mumbles

"What's wrong?" I ask

"Um, what time is it?" He asks almost looking panicked.

"5:45"

"Dammit, I need to go" He says standing.

I nod. I get up and we walk downstairs.

He grabs his bag and says goodbye.

"Where do you live?" I ask while he walks on to my porch.

He turns and smirks. "You'll see" Then he runs to his car. What?

He pulls and out my drive way and pulls into the one next door. Tobias's old driveway.

He gets out and winks at me. I roll my eyes and smile. I walk back inside and then I lay down on the couch.

I watch some pointless T.V until I fall asleep.

***FOUR'S POV***

I pull into my driveway and wink at Tris, she smiles and rolls her eyes. Once she closes her door, I walk into mine.

Its so good to have her back. I scold myself for almost slipping, because I sang that song.

"TOBIAS!" I hear my father shout. Shit...

"Where were you?" He asks.

"Z-Zeke and Uriah's"

"Really, because I thought I saw you talking to that bitch named Prior"

"She's not a bitch" I snarl at him. He slaps me across my face. "Don't you dare swear in front of me"

"You're a low life piece of shit. How you have friends is beyond me" He yells at me. "You get a good looking girlfriend, popular friends, and you are required to be a straight 'A' student. The fact that you flunked Junior year and have to retake it is enough to ruin my image. You are pathetic. How do you fail 11th grade?" He shouts

Well, when you are so injured that you can't attend class for 3 weeks at a time, that can do some damage to your report card.

"Get the hell up to your room before I get anymore angry with you" He growls. Before I move I am punched in the face. "I am disgusted just looking at you"

_Trust me the feeling is __mutual _ I think as I run up stairs and close my door.

I consider tapping on Tris's window and asking her if she wants to go down to our spot. But I can't tell her who I am now.

Not just yet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So I hope you guys liked that. I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE TOMORROW! **

**Like I said in the at the top A/N: I screwed up and that really got to me. So I wasn't able to update. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to update. I hope you all understand. **

**I know this chapter wasn't all that. But the next chapter I am hoping to add some more drama :) because I know you guys love it lol. **

**Thank you so much for 41 reviews on 2 chapters :D EEEKK I HAVE OFFICIALLY HIT 1,000 VIEWS! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!**

**Love you guys! Oh and I posted a random Poll on my Bio," Choose your Favorite story".. Just cause. lol**

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

_"Hush little baby don't you cry, _

_Put down that razor, put down that knife. _

_Don't cut your skin, don't say goodbye._

_It may be hard, but you'll win this fight" _


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am very very very sorry. **

_Rosalie Eaton :_**Identity Disorder and Match into Water :) Also the band 'I See Stars' the song 'New Demons' is amazing. Check it out if you haven't listened to it before! **

_EatonDauntlessCake4610:_ **Thanks, that is what I was aiming for. :)**

_TheaWrites:_**Oh my god... I'm so sorry. That's a lot of shit to go through.. I have to say tho, I'm glad you never cut. I don't know what it is, but it's almost addicting, and it's hard to stop. It helps with the pain. But I think there are other alternatives, but for me, that wasn't the case. **

_Lynda Loyed:_ **You'll find out.. Maybe ;)**

_AppleOrchards:_ **Wow, Congratulations. I know its hard to fight it. **

_youngadultbookslover:_ **Thank you so much. Got to be honest, I was really scared about telling everyone that. But thank you for the support :)**

_Jessy Ann:_ **Lol. That's okay. Thank you so much! Glad you like it :)**

_Guest:_ **Haha thanks. They are so amazing. Helped me through a lot!**

_Guest:_ **:) Eventually. Pretty soon... Maybe ;) **

_fourtrisfourever24601:_ **Wow.. Thank you so much. I'm not going to lie, I started to tear up a little when I read that. Thank you. That really means a lot.**

**So I hope you all liked the last chapter :) **

_**-*!*!*!HAVE SOME NEWS I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE:*!*!*!*-**_

**_Okay, so I feel like I should explain why I didn't update the other day. Sunday morning I got a call from my sister - who lives 4 hours away - and she said that her and my brother-in law separated. And have been for 1 month. I told my mom and she told me to get packed, then she drove me to my sister's house house and I stayed with her from Sunday to Wednesday morning (yesterday) Anyway, over the trip me and my sister were called and told that my brother-in law trying to commit suicide. We drove to the friend's house he was staying at and stopped him. When we got to his house he was in the bathroom with blood dripping down his arms and a razor in his hand_ (as you guys can think, I was horrified. I wanted to tell him so badly that I did it too, but I couldn't say anything with my sister there)_ The next morning (without our knowledge) my brother-in law admitted himself into a hospital. So it's been really, really stressful. I hope you all understand why I couldn't update. I was going to put up an A/N and tell you all, but I had no service at her house so I was unable to get online. I'm really sorry._**

**(I HAVE CRAZY WRITER'S BLOCK FOR "My Recurring Nightmare" I NEED YOUR IDEA'S AND HELP! PLEASE PM OR REVIEW PLEASEEEEEE!)**

**Disclaimer: The crazy talented Veronica Roth owns Divergent and whatever else I may mention in this story belongs to its owners. **

* * *

><p>TRIS'S POV:<p>

I jolt awake by this weird bell sound. It takes me a minute to realize that it's my phone ringing. I groan as I sit up from the couch that I fell asleep on, I lean over and pick up my phone that's on the coffee table.

"Unknown Number" I say out loud as I read the screen. I shrug and answer it.

(Tris) _(Other Caller)_

"Hello?"

_'Hi'_

"Who is this?"

_'You'll find out eventually'_

"You know, I could just hang up on you"

_'Now why would you do that?'_

"Because you are some creepy guy calling me at 6:30 in the morning"

I hear him scoff in mock hurt _'I am not creepy!'_

"Yeah.. You kind of are. Who is this?"

_'Okay well, which one of your friends has a ... different.. name?'_

"Uh, Uriah?" I guess

_'No'_

"Okay. Than who?"

_'Number for a name? Ringing a bell?'_

I smirk "Well.. There is this douche named Four. Is that who you are talking about?"

_'You know what? Now I'm not going to ask you if you wanted a ride to school'_

"I probably wouldn't accept it anyway"

_'Why not?'_

"Because I can handle driving myself"

'_Undoubtedly_' I try to find any sarcasm in that word. But I can't, I also can't see his face so I don't know what he meant by that statement.

"Is that all you wanted?"

'_Yes. So do you want a ride?'_

"I thought you revoked the offer?"

_'Eh, I changed my mind'_ I can hear the smirk in his voice

"Alright fine" I sigh

_'I thought you already turned down, said offer?'_

"I changed my mind" I copy him

I hear him chuckle softly '_20 minutes?'_

"Sounds good to me"

'_I'll see you then'_

I hang up my phone and run into my bathroom. The whole time I was on the phone with Four, I went up stairs and changed into new clothes for the day.

I am now wearing black skinny jeans. A long sleeve black sweater with a scoop neck so it shows my tattoos,It also shows a little more cleavage than I'd like it to, but I just pull the shirt up a little. I also slip on my black and white Converse. I leave my hair down and brush my teeth, I apply a minimal amount of makeup, then I grab my bag, my phone, my bracelet and keys.

I walk outside and lock my door. I look to my right at Tobias's old house and see Four leaning against his car. He lifts his head from his phone and smiles at me. A soft, warm smile.

"Goodmorning"

"Morning" I respond.

We get into his car and drive down to a fast food place.

I am about to get out of the car, when he rushes over and opens the door for me. I look at him strangely and mumble 'thanks' We both walk inside, again he holds the door for me, and stand in line. Once he orders his food I just get a medium black coffee. Some people think I'm strange for drinking it that way, but I like it.

"Why didn't you get anything?" Four asks out of curiosity.

"Um." I shrug "I don't know, I'm not very hungry"

He sends me a quick concerned glance, but covers it quickly and doesn't push me any farther.

I'm really not hungry, I already feel sick thinking about the full meal I'm going to force down my throat at lunch.

On the way to school we blast Fall Out Boy. People look at us like we are crazy as we drive through the parking lot. I get out of the car before he has time to open the door for me and start to walk into school.

"Tris, wait up" I stop and turn around to see Four walking towards me.

"So, I was wondering, do you want to hang out tonight?" He asks carefully.

"I guess, we can ask the group at lunch if they have any pla-"

"No, I meant.. just me and you" He says kind of awkwardly while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Uh, yea... I guess we could" I answer. He smiles and nods. After he leaves me at my locker, he slaps Uriah on the back then walks off to his locker.

"So, What was that?" Christina asks

"What do you mean?" I ask while getting things out of my locker.

"Well, let's see. He drives you to school. Obviously you stopped for breakfast because you have a coffee in your hand. He's smiling around you, holding doors for you, then he walks you to your locker? He is totally in to you!" She squeals.

I roll my eyes. "No one is 'in to me', He's just being nice. We are neighbors, I payed for myself, his locker is on the way to mine, and aren't guys supposed to hold doors for women?" I point out.

She sighs "Whatever, I still think he likes you. And I'm going to find out" She smirks with an evil glint in her eyes.

Uh oh.

(TIME SKIP TO ART)

Me and the rest of the group walk into art together only to be met with Peter and his little gang.

"Oh, look who it is" He smiles sweetly.

"Leave us the hell alone Peter" Christina snarls. She specifically, has always hated them the most.

"He was just saying hello" Molly, his girlfriend, says. Mimicking his tone.

I roll my eyes and sit in my seat, that is unfortunately, right in front of Peter.

"So Stiff, showing a little bit of cleavage today huh?" Peter smirks as I sit down. I subconsciously tug at the top of my shirt, pulling it up a little.

I just sit there and ignore him. He leans in to my ear "When did you become such a whore?"

My bottom lip starts to tremble so I bite it with my teeth to stop it from wobbling.

"I'm gonna cut you" I growl under my breath

"You mean like how you cut yourself?" He whispers in my ear. My spine goes ridged, and my breathing becomes staggered. How the hell did he know about that?

"You okay Tris?" Four asks from beside me. Before I have a chance to respond, or Peter gets the chance to say anything Tori walks in. I just zone out for the rest of class.

"Alright everyone!" I am jolted from my train of thought when Tori shouts.

"So, over the next two days I will pair you guys up in groups of two. I want you, as a team, to draw one picture that will combine both of you. The picture itself should have a lot of emotion to it. I want to be able to look at the picture and know exactly what the both of you have either gone through, or are going through. Work together, get to know each other, and get emotional. Does everyone understand?" Tori explains. I look around and the class nods.

"Okay, cool. So class is over, come up and look at the pairings cause I'm too lazy to shout them out one at a time" Tori smiles.

I get up and walk over to the sheet of paper. "Four and Tris" I smile inside, but keep a straight face.

I walk over to him and he smiles. "Looks like you are stuck with me" He smiles even larger.

"Come on, lets go" I pick up my bag and we walk out to his car.

On the way home we just listen to music. We sit in a comfortable silence.

"Do you want to come over to my house?" I ask "I have all my art stuff there"

He nods and gets out of the car and once again, runs over to my side of the car and opens my door for me.

"So when did you become such a gentleman?" I ask walking up to my door

"I was born that way" He smirks.

"That must have been really uncomfortable for your mom" He chuckles and smiles, but it fades.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I open up the door.

He shakes his head. "Oh uh, nothing"

Obviously I don't buy it, but I don't say anything.

I lead him up into the attic, since that is where I keep my art supplies. I sit down on the couch with my art book, and a few sharpened pencils.

"Can you draw?" I ask him as he sits beside me. He shrugs "I guess"

"Here, try and draw something" I flip the book to an empty page and give it to him.

He thinks for a minute then he starts drawing. It only takes him about 5 minutes until he hands the book back to me.

Its flames trapped inside a circle. A few small flames make their way outside of the ring, but yet they are still tamed.

"Four, it's amazing." I say looking at the drawing in awe. He smiles sheepishly.

"What does it mean?" I ask

He shrugs "I don't know, I guess the flames kind of represent me. Always trying to break free...but something is always holding me back"

"'Something' or someone?" I ask. He shrugs.

"Can we use this in the drawing?" He nods.

I smile, "Okay, I have the perfect idea"

(TIME SKIP)

After about 45 minutes we have finished the drawing, I drew most of it, but he did the flames and and most of the shading.

It's a woman's eye. It takes up the whole page. But inside her eye you see the flames and the ring around the circle is her pupil. Inside the flames you see the silhouette of a man walking away. Tears brim around her eyes and two tears trickle down her face **(This is a legit drawing I did. It's my profile pic on here and the picture for this story. Go check it out c: ) **

I told Four about my dad moving and my brother is at college. I just didn't tell him the reasons they are gone.

So this picture represents the both of us. The two men who _should_ mean the most to me, walking away, the tears and darkness from the picture represent the darkness of my life. Then the flames represent Four and him kind of being trapped by something or someone. He didn't tell me what that was about. But I don't want to tell him my story yet, so I don't expect him to tell me either.

I sign my name on the bottom of the page and hand the book to Four so he can sign as well.

"This is awesome Tris. You have an amazing talent, you should really do something with it" He says looking at me.

I give him a small smile, "I guess" I mumble

He nudges my shoulder. "Come on. You really should"

"Well... Tori did offer me a job at her Tattoo Parlor-" I start

"What?! Why haven't you taken it?" He asks

"I don't know?" He sighs dramatically.

"Tris, that would be amazing. You would be so good at it" He encourages me. I smile lightly "Okay, I'll talk to her tomorrow"

He smiles. "Hey, I want to show you something" I say. He nods.

I lead him downstairs and out my back door. I turn around at smile at him. I grab his hand and pull him into the woods, much like I did with Tobias so many years ago.

_Damn it Tris! Stop comparing Four to Tobias _I mentally scold myself.

We make our way through the woods and across the clearing. I sit down at the pond and he sits beside me.

"Hey Tris?" I look up at him. His dark blue eyes, even darker in the moon light. "Yea?"

"We are friends right?" He asks. I nod " Yea. Of course we are"

He nods and looks back at the water like the in contemplating something.

He abruptly stands up and stares at me. I cautiously stand up so I am standing in front of him.

"So this is our spot" he says then quickly grabs my hand and spins me around. I absolutely did not expect that, so I end up tripping over my feet and fall against his chest.

I am breathing heavily, not just from the sudden movement...I lift my head and look into his eyes "What did you just say?" I breath out

"This is our spot" He says above a whisper, while smiling slightly.

Something flashes in his eyes and before I have a chance to catch it, his lips crash into mine.

His lips are soft and smooth, they taste like the caramel coffee we had almost a half an hour ago.

Our lips move in sync. His lips are so strong, that they make me weak at the knees. I don't know what I'm feeling, it's almost confusing.

Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I'm going to fall. Or turn into liquid. Or burst into flames.

He pulls back, both of us breathing heavily.

I stare into his big blue eyes. It can't be him...

I whisper,_ "Tobias?"_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: BOOM! FOURTRIS KISS! How was that? I am pretty proud of that. **

**Hopefully you all remembered the Flashback from chapter 1. **

**I also hope you all understand why I had waited so long to update.**

**I know this chapter wasn't much, but I thought it was pretty good, it touched a lot of important topics for me. I hope you liked the "Tobias Reveal" lol**

**Let me know what you all think of this. Please review, favorite, and follow. I love you all. Your reviews always bring a smile to my face and make my day 100 times better. **

**I could be having the shittiest day ever and I look on my phone and see the reviews from you guys and it makes me so happy! :) Thank you so much! **

**Next chapter will be up extremely soon! The next chapter should be a little more interesting, and A LOT longer! **

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

(This is the opposite to the remake song of the last chapter)

_"Twinkle, Twinkle little star. __Oh how I wish to get hit by a car. _

_Oh how much I wish to leave._

_The pain is so much, it hurts to breath._

_Twinkle, Twinkle little knife, please dull the pain of this wretched life"_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Woohoo! Chapter 5! AND I ONLY WAITED 4 DAYS TO UPDATE! HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!**

_Lucy: _** Thank you... That would be horrible... and kind of funny... but horrible! haha**

_Shibakan:_ **Thank you so much! :)**

_Guest:_ **... Uh.. Yeah, it really is. I didn't think about how it sounded until you said something... Ahem.. yeah.. haha**

_Lynda Loyde:_ **Awh thank you :) Don't worry I won't. **

_FangirlAtHeart123:_ **Hey! Great to see you got an acct. Its okay, I'm an obsessed fangirl too lol. Thank you so much!**

_EatonDauntlessCake4610_: **Haha! :D**

_Turtleindisguise:_ **Thank you so much! And thanks, He was moved to a facility two days ago and is on, I think they call it a 'suicide watch' and he's going to be given some medication. I don't know how long he's going to be in there for...**

_1FANGIRL:_ **Awe, thank you! I'm glad you liked it! My bro in law is getting some help, so I think its getting a little better. We haven't really gotten that much news yet.**

**Thanks for all the support guys, I'm really going through some shit right now, so it means a lot :) **

**Please enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: It's chapter Five... Shouldn't you know by now? **

* * *

><p><strong>Tris's POV: <strong>

_(previously)_

_Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I'm going to fall. Or turn into liquid. Or burst into flames. _

_He pulls back, both of us breathing heavily. _

_I stare into his big blue eyes... It can't be him. _

_"Tobias?" _

He looks into my eyes. I see a trace of shock, flash through his eyes.

"Hi Beatrice" he whispers.

My right hand flies to my mouth and one tear streaks my face.

"Oh my God" I mumble

He gathers me in his strong arms and I breath in his scent. Something sweet, heavy, and distinctly male. Its just...him.

"Tobias" I breath out.

"I'm sorry" He says into my hair. I pull back and look up at him.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, my voice is wavering.

"Why am I not sorry? I left Tris. I screwed up everything" He says, his hands still on my hips and mine rest on his chest.

"Tobias... Why did you leave?" I mumble.

He turns his head slightly and avoids my eyes. "Tobias look at me" I put a hand on his cheek, but he doesn't look at me.

"Tobias please" I whisper.

He looks at me with pained eyes.

"I can't tell you" His voice is strained.

"Why not?" I ask "We tell eachother everything"

"I know. But.. Tris, this is.."

"This is what?" I parrot him.

"It- Its different Tris, its dangerous"

"What did you do?" Shock is evident in my voice.

He shakes his head "No, no. Its not like that." He looks in my eyes taking deep breaths.

Then he shakes his head and looks down "I can't tell you... I'm sorry" He whispers in defeat.

I sigh and nod. "Okay, but-" I am cut off by a loud bang.

"What was that?" Tobias asks.

"It kind of sounded like a car door" Obviously the person in angry if it echoed all the way out here.

Fear surrounds Tobias's eyes.

"Tobias?" I question.

"Shit" He says under his breath. He grabs my hand and starts running.

We get to my backyard in under 2 minutes. It's a good thing I run almost everyday, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to keep up with him.

He turns to me, breathing heavily. "Go inside, don't ask questions. We'll talk tomorrow"

"Tob-" I start but he has already jumped the fence that separates our yards.

**Tobias's PoV:**

_"Tobias?"_

She remembers...

I look into her beautiful Grey-Blue eyes.

"Hi Beatrice" I whisper.

Her right hand flies up to her mouth and a tear trickles down her cheek.

"Oh my God" She mumbles

I can't take it anymore, I quickly pull her into my embrace, inhaling the scent of her hair; Honey and Strawberries/

"Tobias" She breaths out against my chest. It is so good to hear my name again.

"I'm sorry" I says into my hair. She pulls back and looks up at me.

"Why are you sorry?" She asks, her voice wobbling.

"Why am I not sorry?" I ask in disbelief, "I left Tris. I screwed up everything"

"Tobias... Why did you leave?" She mumbles

I turn my head looking to my right, trying to avoid her eyes. "Tobias look at me" She puts her hand on my cheek, but I can't look at her. Its dangerous enough that I'm back in contact with her.

"Tobias please" She begs

I look into her eyes. _'Don't tell her Tobias, Marcus will kill her.' _A little voice in my head says

"I can't tell you" I say, my voice coming out strained.

"Why not?" She asks "We tell eachother everything" I notice how she didn't say_'used to' _She want's to pick up right where we left off. This is what I was afraid off.

"I know. But.. Tris, this is.." I start, but my voice gets caught in the back of my throat.

"This is what?" She questions.

"It- Its different Tris, its dangerous" Which it is. If Marcus was to find out that I told her.. I can't even fathom the amount of things he could do to hurt her.

"What did you do?" Shock is clear in her voice.

I shake my head "No, no. Its not like that." This sure as hell isn't something that I have done. I look at her taking deep breaths.

Maybe it wouldn't be the worse thing in the world, if I told her. She is right, we did tell each other everything. It's not like I don't trust her, I do. I always have and always will. But Marcus will hurt her. I cannot, I will not let that ever happen.

I shake my head and look at the ground "I can't tell you... I'm sorry" I whisper.

She sighs and nods. "Okay, but-" Shes cut off by a loud bang.

"What was that?" I ask quickly.

"It kind of sounded like a car door"

They must be really angry to slam the car door that hard...

_No... No, no, no. Not now._

"Tobias?" Tris questions...

"Shit" I mumble. I grab her hand and run as quickly as I can back to our houses.

We make it back to her yard in under two minutes.

I turn to look at her, still breathing heavily. "Go inside, don't ask questions. We'll talk tomorrow" I instruct.

"Tob-" I hear Tris start but I has already jumped the fence that separates our yards.

I quietly, but quickly open the back door and try to run upstairs, but I'm too late. Marcus grabs my collar, throwing me to the ground.

I hiss as my sore back collides with the hardwood floors.

"You son of a bitch" He snarls. "You think you can sneak out behind my back?" He grabs my shirt to pull me up and slams my back into the wall next to the staircase.

I bite my lip to suppress a groan.

"Where the hell were you?" He asks.

"I was just sitting outside" I lie.

"So that's why your face is red and you have leaves in the collar of your shirt?" He spits at me.

My eyes flicker down and I see some dirt and crap that came off the trees as I ran through the woods.

Shit...

He grabs my shirt with both hands, pulls me toward him and shoves me into the wall again.

"Now tell me where you were!" He demands.

"I was just outside" Well, that's not a total lie. I was outside, just not in the backyard.

He throws me to the ground, I would've fallen flat on my face if I didn't put my hands down to catch myself.

"Take off your shirt" He growls. I slowly cross my arms over my stomach and pull my shirt off.

He puts his foot on my back and presses it down on a tender scar; the pain shoots through me like a bullet, making everyone of the muscles in my body go limp and numb, causing me to fall on the ground completely.

I take in a sharp breath. I hear him unbuckle his belt, I don't even have enough time to think before the white hot pain spreads through my back.

I dig my teeth into my bottom lip, knowing that if I make any noise, he will just make it worse.

He strikes my back, once, twice, three times, ten. I've lost count. I feel warm blood spread across my back. I don't even want to imagine what it looks like.

How I've kept consciousness through out this is beyond me. I feel my eyelids drooping, but I push myself to stay awake.

God only knows what he'll do to me if I pass out. He'll probably kill me, then move on to Tris...

_Tris..._ I don't know what happens, but a strange course of hope, and bravery shoots through me.

The belt doesn't come down as fast as it was, so I know the beating is almost over. With any strength I have in my body, I push myself up on my feet and punch him in the face.

He falls to the ground and looks at me in udder shock.

My breathing gets heavier and heavier. Black spots start to crowd around my vision. I know I'm going to pass out any second.

While Marcus is still dumbfounded, I make my way upstairs as quickly as I can.

I lay on my bed and instantly fall into oblivion.

* * *

><p><strong>TRIS'S POV: <strong>

"Tob-" I start but he has already jumped the fence that separates our yards.

I stare at the fence. What the hell was that about?

Was that Marcus that came home? He said we will talk tomorrow, I will find out then.

I walk inside and go upstairs into my room.

I take my phone and plug it into the speakers I have ontop of my desk. I put it on shuffle and let the music play at random.

The first song to play seems like the theme song to my life.

'Pierce the Veil- Tangled in the Great Escape'

_Well, don't you say that I had a part of it_  
><em>I guess we'll never know<em>  
><em>Or would you say that I had a part of it?<em>  
><em>Well, I guess we'll never know<em>

_Constant recovery_  
><em>I see you choke and it takes my breath away<em>

_But all is good, we close our eyes_  
><em>They all accept the lie<em>

_So bury what you are outside_  
><em>Brother, promise you won't leave me.<em>

_I know you're tortured within_  
><em>And your eyes look hungry again<em>  
><em>But I'll never wander, my friend<em>

_Will somebody believe this is suicide?_  
><em>Am I the only one that thinks that you should stay alive?<em>  
><em>Oh, I became the shame that you backed up on the ropes to arm yourself and hide.<em>

This song makes me think of everything I've done. I always thought Caleb would be here, but he left me. I thought maybe once he found out he will help me, comfort me. But all he did was yell and tell me how much of an attention whore I was.

The constant pain I feel, it all hurts so much.

I sit on the counter in my bathroom.

_And so I scream, "Mayday, I'm in trouble, send somebody on the double."_

_Scratching at the floor inside my mind._  
><em>They all accept the lie.<em>

_So bury what you are outside_  
><em>Brother, please don't be afraid of me.<em>

_I know you're tortured within_  
><em>And your eyes look hungry again<em>  
><em>But I'll never wander, my friend<em>

_I let you down_  
><em>And I started to run<em>  
><em>Never meant to be your pain.<em>  
><em>Oh my god, what have I become?<em>

Blood.. It's such an interesting color.

In health class, when I was younger, we were taught that the blood is actually blue until its given oxygen.

I had always wondered why the veins on my wrist were blue... My veins on my wrist.

Why don't I just cut deeper and end all of this? Nobody would care. It's just me here.

I have no idea where the hell my mom is. I don't give two shits about my father, and I'm just a failure to my brother.

Warm, red blood trails down my arm,

_Show me and show me the way back_  
><em>Show me the way back home<em>

_I know you're tortured within_  
><em>And your eyes look hungry again<em>  
><em>But I'll never wander, my friend<em>  
><em>No, I'll never wander again<em>

_this is not what I want,_  
><em>But now it's what I need<em>

_Can I just have one more taste_  
><em>Just to make it through the day?<em>  
><em>You're tangled in<em>  
><em>You're tangled in the great escape<em>

_(Can I just have one more taste?)_  
><em>Great escape, oh<em>

Thin, red scars trace my arms. Just reminding me how screwed up I am.

I try my best not to do too many. I usually wait a few days for them to heal, then I begin reopening them.

Doing so reminds me of one of the quotes I painted on my wall.

"A cut cannot heal, unless you leave it alone. I'll open mine daily leaving bones exposed" from the song Bones Exposed by Of Mice & Men.

_I never meant to hurt nobody, no, no, yeah_  
><em>I never meant to hurt you, no, no, no, no<em>  
><em>I only meant to do this to myself, to myself, to myself<em>

I do this to myself so I know that I'm the problem. It's nobody else's fault. It's all me. I'm the root and cause of the problems.

I made my brother leave. I made my father leave. My mother always wanted to be a doctor, but was so upset about Caleb leaving that she just left herself.

_Escape_  
><em>Great escape<em>  
><em>Great escape<em>  
><em>Oh, great escape<em>

_Let me out of this, yeah_  
><em>Let me out of this, yeah<em>

Maybe I should just end this all.

Christina still has Will and all the girls, she doesn't need me.

Shauna has Zeke and Lynn.

Marlene has Uriah. Everyone has someone.

_'But what about Tobias?' _I think in the back of my mind.

I almost want to laugh at myself. Like he would ever stay with me. Once he knows about what I do, he will leave me and think I'm a freak.

'No he won't, he's your best friend'

'Who left'

'But came back'

'He doesn't like you'

'But he kissed you'

'It was the heat of the moment'

I almost scream. I feel like if I was in a cheesy movie I would have those little versions of me on each shoulder, telling me what's right and what's wrong.

But really what is the chance of him liking me. I'm sure he already had a girlfriend when he moved away. Hell, he might have one now.

I just wonder... What would happen if Tobias came to talk to me like he said we would, and I was dead on this floor..

Would he care? Would he cry? Would he scream? Would he want to die?

Questions run through my mind as the razor kisses my skin one more time.

I sigh and close my eyes. I slide off of the counter and run the blade under some water to clean it.

I take some rubbing alcohol and pour it over my arm. It stings like shit, but it also feels so good.

I also don't want them to get infected, because then I would have to go to the doctor and everyone would know.

I strip of my clothes from school today and put on new underclothes. I slip on Tobias's old dark grey sweatshirt. When I was little it was huge on me, now it kind of fits, but its still pretty big.

I roll the sleeves up to my elbows so it doesn't touch my scars... I turn the music off and flick on the TV that is in the corner off my room on a tall table.

I turn the volume down low and fall asleep to a tv show I'm not even paying attention to.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: :) Did you guys like that? That song means a lot to me. So I hope you all liked the chapter. **

**I'm sorry its on the shorter side, but I have to leave for dance in like 5 minutes, but I had to write this chapter, so I did ;) **

**PLEASE REVIEW! I love you all! You are all so amazing! **

**I might update again tonight, but my dad might also be pissed and not give me the computer, so it's all based off of that... **

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it :) **

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

_"I let you down_

_And I started to run_

_Never meant to be your pain._

_Oh my god, what have I become?"_

Pierce the Veil- "Tangled In The Great Escape" (feat. Jason Butler)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey everyone. It has been one hell of a week...**

**My brother in law was released from the facility he was in. I don't know where he is, or how he is doing. Even though he and my sister are separated, I still consider him my brother. And not knowing what is wrong with him, or how he is doing is kind of killing me inside. **

**Then 3 days ago, my best friend's grandfather passed away... And the both of us are taking it pretty hard, because he was like a grandpa to me too. He used to call me Duckie. Because my name sound like a male duck, "Mallard-Mallory", and I would always get upset when I was younger if people called me that, so he made it better by calling me 'Duckie'... Yesterday was the funeral and I my friend was really upset, so I called one of our friends so he came over and joked around with us and just lightened the mood... But we were all at her house from 1:30pm to 11:30 at night.. lol.**

**Then, once again, I screwed everything up, I am really trying... I was 4 days clean, then when I heard about my friends grandpa, I couldn't take it anymore...**

_1FANGIRL: _ **Lol, she will soon. I'm going to have a 'fear simulation' kind of scene, when she finds out. Thank you! **

_Thefirststiff:_ **Haha, well don't read so early in the morning! lol. Glad you like it. Thank you. **

_turtleindisguise:_ **Thanks... I don't know any details. But he should be getting better... hopefully. **

_EatonDauntlessCake4610:_ ***Smiles* *Chuckles* *Laughs* *Full out tears***

_Shibakan:_ **Thank you.. I would like to think things are getting better, but they don't seem to be.. Thank you though :)**

**So yeah, This week has been pretty effed up... **

**Enjoy:) **

**Disclaimer: It makes me sad to say it... **

**Tris: But you have too..**

**Me: *pouts***

**Uriah: Stop being a pansycake**

**Me: Oh, come on! **

**Group: Just do it! **

**Me: Ugh, fine! I don't own anything. Happy?!**

* * *

><p>Tris's POV:<p>

I wake up to my phone's alarm going off. I quickly reach for my phone and turn it off.

When I sit up, my left arm feels numb, I look at it and my eyes widen.

Blood is still pouring from some of my cuts. Most of it is dried blood, but the deeper ones are still bleeding.

I look down and see my sheets and pillow are soaked with blood. I mumble a curse word and rip the sheets off my bed, ignoring the pain coming from my arm.

I run down stairs and throw them in the washing machine along with Tobias's sweatshirt incase I got blood on that as well.

I run back upstairs and get into a very hot shower. I hiss as the water makes contact with my cuts, I painfully remove the blood from my arm with a washcloth. I quickly get out of the shower when I start to feel light headed.

I wrap myself in a towel and get some gauze and tape to wrap up my arm.

I wrap the gauze tightly enough to stop the bleeding, but not tight enough to cut off circulation. While I'm in the bathroom, I decide to do my make up.

I do a simple double-winged eyeliner with mascara and light tan eyeshadow.

I walk out of the bathroom and let my hair dry naturally, I grab some clothes from my closet; Black skinny jeans and white Converse. I put on a black tank top and walk down stairs. I am going to dry Tobias's sweatshirt and wear that today.

I walk down stairs and hear noise in the kitchen

"Tris?" I hear a female voice say, she comes around the corner from the kitchen and I see Hana.

I quickly cross my arms over my chest. "Hey Hana" I smile as she hugs me.

"How are you sweetie?" She asks politely.

_Dying inside_ "Good" I answer with a smile.

She goes back into the kitchen and I run into the laundry room. I open the washing machine and see nothing in side of it. I look in the dryer and see the sweatshirt and sheets are dry. Hana must've put them in there.

I take out the sweatshirt and slip it over my head, then I go back downstairs to see Hana.

When I get into the kitchen I see the grey beanie, that I left here weeks ago, on the counter so I slip it on my head.

"So! Your mother called me today" Hana beams as she continues, obviously cooking something.

"She did?" I ask, I don't really care that much, but I am curious as to why.

"Yup. She told me that she's coming home for a few weeks, then she has to go to a hospital in California" Hana informs me.

I am not going to say that I'm not happy she's coming home, because she is my mother. I just don't know how she'll feel when she sees me. If she accidentally sees my scars...

"She said she called you a few times this morning but you never answered" Hana says with her back to me.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket. _3 missed calls from 'Mom'_

Oops...

"Here you go honey" She places a plate of eggs in front of me and hands me a coffee, black with two scoops of sugar. I smile "Thanks Hana"

I don't know why, but today I am actually kind of hungry. As I take my first bite the front door is swung open and the two idiots that live across the street fall on the floor.

"FOOD!" Uriah shouts and runs over to the counter. Hana rolls her eyes and hands him and Zeke the two plates she already had prepared, because she probably expected this..

I glance at the clock and see we have twenty minutes until we leave for school.

"You still wear Tobias's sweatshirt?" Zeke asks me. I shrug

"It fits" I say defensively.

"Oh! Oh! Tris! We are having a party tonight!" Uriah says smiling like the idiot he is.

"Okay, what's so different from the party you have almost every week?" I ask.

He scowls at me, but it's quickly replaced by his famous smirk "Because Four will be singing"

"You guys wrote a song already? It's only been like 3 days." I ask, they both nod, including Hana. "They have been working on it non-stop" She smiles.

"Awesome. Okay,well lets go. You guys want to ride with me?" I ask as I stand and grab my bag

"Umm... Hell yes!" Zeke screams. He has always loved my car.

Hana smacks him on the back of the head

"Language!" She scolds him.

"Sorry Mommy" He pouts, I jingle the keys in my hand and his eyes light up, then he runs out the door to the garage.

I say goodbye to Hana and walk outside with Uriah following me.

I open the car doors and slide the drivers seat forward so Uriah and sit in the back. I pop the seat back into place and sit down as Zeke gets in the passenger side.

I press the button so the garage door opens, I back out and we drive to school.

* * *

><p>Uriah follows me to my locker and I put my stuff away and grab the things I need for school. Christina comes up to me and squeals in my ear.<p>

"Ugh, what?" I groan. Christina squealing is usually never a good thing.

"Me and Will walked into school today and he was flirting with me the whole time we were walking here together!" She screams.

"Uhm.. Hate to burst your bubble Chris.. But doesn't he do that everyday?" I ask smirking.

She hits my arm, right where my cuts are and I bite my lip to avoid moaning in pain.

"It's.. I don't know... It was different..." She trails off, daydreaming about Will. I shake my head and close my locker.

I am about to walk away when Four.. or Tobias.. walks up to me. He's wearing an A Day to Remember band, baseball styled shirt, with grey jeans and white Vans.

"Nice shirt" I smile.

He looks and me and raises an eyebrow. "Nice sweatshirt" He smirks. I roll my eyes and I can feel the heat climbing up my neck, so I start to walk away but he follows me.

"So, tonight is the party..." He trails off

"And?" I press.

"Well, did you want to talk afterwards? I know I have a lot of things to explain to you." He says rubbing the back of his neck. He's nervous.

"I guess so" I nudge his side "So, I hear your singing tonight?"

He grins. "Yeah... I don't really know how well that's going to turn out"

"Why not? You have an amazing voice" I say. He shrugs as we walk in the door to Math.

"What's up Stiff?" I hear Peter ask.

I roll my eyes and sit down in front of him.

"You know, you really shouldn't wear skinny jeans. The hug your non-existent ass in a really ugly way. The big sweatshirt and all the oversized shirts aren't fooling anyone."

I close my eyes and ignore him. I open my eyes and look at Tobias, his jaw is clenched and his hands are in fists.

"I mean, it really wouldn't be a surprise. You're just a whore anyways, who wouldn't expect you to be 16 and pregnant" He sneers

"Shut the hell up" Tobias says as he turns around in his seat to look at Peter.

"What are you gonna do?" He asks Tobias, then he turns back to me "You seriously got yourself a bodyguard now Stiff? How weak are you?"

"Okay class-" Mr Max begins before anyone can say anymore.

* * *

><p>(TIMESKIP TO LUNCH)<p>

I grab a basic, small lunch and sit down in between Tobias and Shauna.

I set the food down and just sip on my water.

Shauna taps my side with her elbow. "How come you're not eating anything?"

"Oh, uh. I don't know. I had a large breakfast" I lie

"No you didn't" Uriah says from across the table. So now all eyes are on me. Note to self: Kill Uriah later.

"Tris what's wrong?" Christina asks. "Nothing" She gives me the look that says 'Yeah right... Tell the truth'

I rub the spot between my eyebrows and take another sip of my water.

"Yeah, you almost never eat anything at lunch" Marlene says.

Tobias just glances at me every few seconds. He knows I'm uncomfortable.

"Tris. Why won't you talk to us?" Zeke asks

I sigh. "Guys, just leave her alone" Tobias says gently yet firmly.

"We are only asking because we care about you" Will says softly. Everyone nods in agreement.

What if I did tell them... Uriah would make a joke about it, Christina would say I'm being over dramatic, Lynn wouldn't give a shit, Tobias would get upset and either leave me or try nonstop to get me help. Shauna and Marlene would give me pitiful looks and tell me to get help. Will would say something about how what I am doing is illogical, and Zeke would probably join Uriah and make a joke about it as well.

I feel the tears prick at my eyes. They live such perfect lives and are so happy.. I'm sitting here like the people I tell myself I never want to be... Fake.

Fake smiles, Fake enthusiasm, Fake laughter, Fake jokes, Fake personality, I am just Fake.

I can't handle them staring at me any longer. I get up and run out of the lunchroom.

I just keep running. My vision is blurred, I blink a few times so I can see where I am going. I continue running and I open the door to the library. I go over to a corner where the most boring books are, I know no one comes over here so I lean against a wall and sink down until my butt in on the ground. I wrap my arms around my legs and quietly sob into my knees.

Sometimes I am good for a while. I'll talk more, laugh more. Eat and sleep normally. But then something happens.

Its like a switch gets turned off somewhere and all I am left with is the darkness of my mind.

But each time it seems I sink deeper and deeper, and I am really scared... Terrified even, that one day I won't make it back up.

I feel like I am gasping for air, screaming for help. But they all just look at me with confused faces. Wondering what I am stressing over, when they are all doing just fine and it makes me go crazy..

_What hell is wrong with me?_

"Nothing"

I gasp and look up. I quickly wipe my sleeve over my eye so I can see clearly.

"You're perfect Tris" Tobias says and sits down next to me.

I laugh humorlessly, as I wrap my arms tighter around my legs.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're okay, because I know you're not. So don't bullshit me, please. Just tell me what's wrong" Tobias says quietly.

"I'm not okay" I respond.

"My Chemical Romance?" He questions while shaking his head

"Totally" I say with a smirk.

He gives me a small smile, but it fades quickly "Please Tris"

I sigh.. "Well... I don't know.. Um, Andrew, ever since I was a little kid, he has verbally and mentally abused me. I just don't even know how to feel about myself anymore. Even though he moved to DC, I still hear his voice everyday. Whenever I do something I hear him criticising me. Everytime I look in the mirror I hear his insults. He controlled basically everything I did. He criticised the way I dressed, so I had to change that. He was always criticising my weight, so I changed that too. He controlled my thoughts, told me who I could and couldn't talk too, and because I was so young, I was scarred, so I just.. did as I was told..." I trail off.

Tobias runs a hand over his face and he sighs

"You actually believed everything he said?" He asks softly.

I nod. "Tris. I.. Words can't even describe how beautiful you are, so don't even start on that. Everything about you is amazing. You're perfect Tris"

I shake my head "I'm not perfect Tobias" I whisper.

"Tri-" He is cut off by the bell ringing.

"Let's go to class" I tell him as I stand.

"Tris" He says standing up, then he grabs my hand.

"What?" My voice cracks.

"You don't understand how amazing you are" He says

"You're right. I don't, because I'm not, and you sh...shouldn't be around me" I say, my words coming out strained.

"Why shouldn't I be around you?" He asks in a firm voice.

"Because, you don't understand how fucked up I am. I am bad for you, I'm not worth it. I'm falling and I will do nothing but drag you down with me" I say and pull my hand out of his.

He grabs both hands now and pulls me in front of him "If you weren't worth it then I wouldn't have kissed you last night"

"Tobias, I'm not worth anything, I still don't understand why you wanted to kiss me anyway" I say

"You're worth everything Tris" He says at a normal level, not caring that we are in a library.

I hear the warning bell go off for the last time and I pull my hands away.

"You don't understand" I turn and walk away, I walk into class only to realize I don't have my books, and I am going into Jeanine's class. Great..

I'll be way too late if I go and get my books, so I just walk in anyway.

When I go to where I usually sit I see my bag in my chair and Uriah sitting to the left of me.

He winks at me as I sit down

"Thank you" I whisper.

"No problem" He smiles. Jeanine walks in, Tobias is right behind her and he quickly makes his way to his seat beside me without Jeanine ever noticing he was late.

As she starts the lesson I notice Tobias glance over at me.

I just stare off into space. I can't tell him anymore.

He already knows enough... For now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So how was that? I hope you all liked it. **

**Please, please review, fav, and follow! **

**I love you guys... I'm really sorry that the chapters in this story are short. I am planning on making them a hell of a lot longer really soon. **

**The next chapter will involve TRUTH OR DARE. Please send me some, I need some that would put Tris in an uncomfortable position, not anything bad. Just kind of awkward if that makes any sense. **

**Also, BAND NAMES FOR FOUR, URIAH, ZEKE, AND WILL. THEY NEED A BAND NAME AND I AM CLUELESS! **

**Please review I need help :)**

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

_**(OMG I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS! I have a Pinterest special for this story. So please go check it out!)**_

** okaystiff46/**

(if that link doesn't work, another one is in my bio)

_"She has lost her sense of light._

_She might not make it home tonight"_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: EEEEKKK! I HAVE 103 REVIEWS ON 6 CHAPTERS! Guys! This is crazyyy! Thank you so much!**

_Guest:_ **Wow, thank you. It's really nice to know that you care. I'm sorry that you lost so many people as well. But trying not to relapse is really hard. **

_Loveyapansycakes: _**Thank you so much! :) That means a lot**

_Shibakan:_ **Congrats! You were my 100th reviewer, soo you get dauntless cake! (Well, kind of.. not really) But Thank you so much! **

_1FANGIRL:_ **She will, pretty soon actually... I just love Zeke and Uriah so much! haha. Thank you very much. **

_Fourtrisfourever:_ **Thank you. I will think about Never have I ever. But if I do, I'll use that one :) **

_Guest: _** Thanks. I know a lot of people think I don't, but actually I do. But I am glad that I can put all my experiences into my stories:) Thanks! **

_Mandy:_** Thank you. Its really hard, but I'll try:)**

_DauntlessRunner46:_** Thank you :) I was thinking Dauntless, but I have a funny idea for Uriah ;) **

_Guest: _** Thanks for the Truths and Dares. I think those will be good questions for Christina to ask. Thank you :) **

_Booknrd187:_**I am so using that! I have the perfect idea! Thank you! **

_Waitingfortheworld0603:_ **Haha, Thanks! I could have Tris's sleeves or something come up, maybe Christina will notice or something. Thank you! :) **

_Turtleindisguise:_ **I do too. Thank you. My brother in law got rid of his Facebook, Instagram, and my cell phone is all jacked up, so I have no way to see how he's doing, and my sister doesn't want to talk about anything, so its kind of difficult to get an answer now...**

**Thanks for all the reviews. **

**I'm really glad it only took me a few days for me to update :) I was really freaking pissed and nervous because my dad went through the history on the computer and found my Bio on here and of course read it. He FREAKING READ IT! So now I have to deal with all that shit. Thankfully he didn't find my stories or anything like that... Because when I asked to use the computer I saw him on my bio reading it, and I took the computer from him and erased any history that had to do with FanFiction. The last thing I need is him to find a story that I wrote, about him and how he has ruined my life... Ughhhh... **

**Thanks for all the Truths and Dares :) Please Enjoy! Love you all!**

**Disclaimer: The beautiful, talented, amazing, Veronica Roth owns Divergent. And All Rights go to the owners of anything else I may mention here! **

* * *

><p><strong>TRIS'S POV:<strong>

"Tris! Please wear something at least semi girly!" Christina whines as she is in my bedroom, trying to get me ready for the party

"FINE! I'm picking it out, and I am doing my own makeup" I say.

She pouts "Can I just pick out the make up, then you can put it on?"

I sigh "Okay" I give in. Anything to get away from a make over. She walks into my bathroom and starts laying out make up. She gasps... I tense, unsure of what she found...

"What about your hair?!" She asks with wide eyes.

I blow out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I'm going to leave it like it is" I say as I sit on my bed.

She looks at me with doe eyes "Just a tiny bit of curls?"

I throw my head back "Fine Chris" I smile at her. She gives me a big toothy grin.

I stand and push her out of my room "Now go. You have to make sure you look good for Will" I smirk.

She blushes, then rolls her eyes, "Please honey, I always looks good" she says as the flips her shoulder-length black hair.

"Bye" I smile, she laughs then walks down the stairs

"And no Converse! You are wearing heals missy!"She shouts as she closes the front door.

I walk into my closet and try to find something 'semi girly' but also something long enough to cover my arms.

I decide on dark blue skinny jeans, a black tank top and a dark grey open sweater to go over it. I also take out the grey high heel booties Christina made me buy.

I walk into the bathroom to see what makeup she laid out for me. Its pretty simple so I just work with what I have, hoping its what Christina was imaging.

When I finish in the bathroom I can hear the music coming from across the street, so I might as well head over their now.

I grab my phone and my house key, and I slip them in my back pocket. I lock the door and walk across the street to let myself inside.

A few people are here from school, and our whole group is here. But the party hasn't really started yet. Except the blaring music.

I walk up to Christina who is wearing a black, mid thigh length skirt, with a pale pink tank top tucked in, and a black leather jacket with Black platform heals.

She sees my outfit and squeals. "You did good Trissy!"

"Thanks" I say. I look around and see the boys on a make-shift stage with all their instruments. Four/Tobias is in the same clothes from this morning, the band shirt and grey jeans.

Will is wearing a red suit jacket, a black shirt, with blue jeans and red Converse.

Uriah runs up to me and gives me a hug when he pulls back I look at his shirt.

'I have... No job. No money. No car. But, I'm in a band'

"Did you buy that today?" I ask pointing to his shirt. He nods with a proud smile on his face.

"Sup Trissy" I groan as Zeke walks up to me and Uriah. Zeke's shirt says "Warning: You can go blind from my pure awesomeness"

"Really?" I ask pointed to both of their shirts.

"They were on sale!" They both shout at the same time. I roll my eyes and smile.

I turn around and see a huge group of people. I guess I wasn't paying attention to how many people just showed up.

Uriah runs up on stage and shouts "LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" The room cheers while Christina grabs my hand and pulls me to the side of the 'stage' so we can watch. Will is on the piano, Uriah is on the bass, and Zeke plays the drums.

Tobias clears his throat, then talks into the microphone with a red and black electric guitar in his hands. "Okay, so after a very heated debate, we finally decided to call ourselves The Chasm and-"

"Um Four?" Uriah walks up to him next the microphone. "I thought we chose Uriah and the Pansycakes?" He asks with all seriousness.

He tried to whisper to Tobias but he still said it in the microphone.

"No.. We never chose that" Tobias says looking at Uriah.

"Yes, we did" Uriah insists.

"Uriah!" Zeke shouts. "Your ego is big enough, you don't need a band named after you, get back over here" He says with an amused smile on his face.

Everyone laughs as Uriah's cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

"Anyway... Um. This is called 'My Last Semester'" Tobias says then starts playing the guitar and the rest of the guys follow him.

(This song has a lot of swearing in it, sorry if that upsets you guys. But go listen to this song "My Last Semester- The Wonder Years)

_I'm not sad anymore, I'm just tired of this place._  
><em>The weight of the world be okay if it would pick a shoulder to lean on<em>  
><em>So I could stand up straight.<em>

_I'm not sad anymore, I'm just tired of this place._  
><em>The homophobic bullshit that's somehow okay<em>  
><em>Just because you didn't mean it that way.<em>

_I can't take anymore of all the scum in this place._  
><em>Shitty dudes with tribal tattoos all around me,<em>  
><em>Lining up cheap beer and roofies for a party at their place.<em>  
><em>Trying to convince freshmen they're somebody<em>  
><em>By spending all of their parents' money on kegstands<em>  
><em>And Matt says I don't fit in.<em>

_All this mallrat goth shit is killing me._  
><em>Thought that would end with high school at least.<em>  
><em>But there are still kids and Matt says<em>  
><em>"College hit those dudes like a ton of bricks."<em>

_So they're calling it blasphemy,_  
><em>A fucking catastrophe<em>  
><em>For saying it's a stupid choice to make.<em>  
><em>But this place just brings misery.<em>  
><em>I hate what it does to me.<em>  
><em>I fight, but I can't escape the way that I don't fit in with any of this.<em>  
><em>And I don't think we're the same.<em>

_I'm fucking losing my head trying to understand this._  
><em>Kids outside with guitars hoping for someone to notice.<em>  
><em>No one wants to hear your sappy bullshit.<em>

_All these fake-tan girls laughing at art school kids_  
><em>Getting lots in return for being substance-less.<em>  
><em>You're too caught in semantics to see it,<em>  
><em>But you're no fucking different.<em>

_So they're calling it blasphemy,_  
><em>A fucking catastrophe<em>  
><em>For saying it's a stupid choice to make.<em>  
><em>But this place just brings misery.<em>  
><em>I hate what it does to me.<em>  
><em>I fight, but I can't escape the way that I don't fit in with any of this.<em>  
><em>And I don't think we're the same.<em>

_No!_

_I'm not sad anymore, I'm just waiting._  
><em>It's two more months 'til I'm done with this.<em>

_And I don't make sense to anyone but my best friends._

_And I don't fit in anywhere but the back of the van. And I don't _

Then they all start singing together,

_Make sense to anyone but my best friends, _

_And I don't fit it anywhere but the back of the van._

_So they're calling it blasphemy,_  
><em>A fucking catastrophe<em>  
><em>For saying it's a stupid choice to make.<em>

The music quickly ends and the crowd is roaring in applause. I didn't realize it, but I have the biggest grin on my face. A real smile.

The four of them quickly get rid of their instruments and walk off of stage to meet us.

Shauna and Marlene kiss their boyfriends and Chris and Will smile and talk to each other.

Tobias comes up to me with a nervous smile on his face.

"That was amazing!" I scream and throw my arms around his neck.

He laughs and hugs me back. I pull back, only because my arm is throbbing from throwing it around his neck.

"Seriously Four, that was insane" He frowns slightly but it quickly turns into a grin.

"Do you still want to talk later?" I nod.

"Hey, I'm going to get a drink, I'll be back in a few" He nods and turns to talk to Will.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a water. There is a couple packs of beer in the fridge, but I don't really want any of that tonight.

"Wow Stiff. Didn't expect to see you here" Peter says coming up to me.

"What the hell do you want?" I snap at him when I turn to see him, Molly and Drew.

"Ooo, feisty" Peter smiles. He walks up to me and puts his right hand on my hip and whispers in my ear "I like em like that"

I put my hands on his chest softly and he pulls his head back slowly with surprise and excitement on his face.

I smile softly, then I knee him in the balls and walk away.

Before I can fully, Drew grabs my arm right on my scars and pulls me back.

I hiss and he digs his nails in deeper to my arm.

I can feel the skin ripping. I bite my lip, the pain is almost unbearable but I refuse to let it show.

"Oh, would you look at that" Molly smirks as Drew lets go of my arm.

I look down and see blood staining my sweater.

My breathing is starting to get heavier and I look at Peter.

"So.. let's see, Your a bitch, a whore, and now lets add emo and attention whore to the list" He smiles.

I can't do this anymore. I can't risk anyone seeing the blood pouring from my arm.

I run out the door and across the street as fast as I can. I run up to my bedroom and lock myself in the bathroom.

I slip off my sweater and see that the blood is gushing out of my arm, and seeping out of the gauze I put on this morning.

I grab a towel that was hung on the rack and press it down on my arm to stop the bleeding. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Tris?" My eyes fly open.

"Tris, its Tobias are you in here?" I hear him shout.

"Um, yeah. I'm in the bathroom, I'll be out in a few. J-Just wait for me downstairs" I shout back

"Oh, alright" When I hear the bedroom door close and the heavy footsteps go down the stairs I finally breath.

I take the towel off of my arm and see that it has stopped bleeding. I toss the towel in a basket to wash later. I still re-wrap my arm with fresh gauze, just to be safe.

I walk into my closet again and see a navy blue sweater. So I slip it on and walk downstairs to see Tobias sitting on one of the bar stools in my kitchen. When he sees me, he gets off of the chair and walks in front of me.

"Hey, I saw you run out. Is everything okay?" He asks

"Yeah" Lie "Peter spilt his beer on my sweater so I came here to change" Well.. It did involve Peter... So its not a total lie..

"Oh..." He frowns "You're sure everything is okay then?"

I nod. "Let's get back to the party" I say as I start walking to the door. He nods and follows me.

When we walk in, Zeke sees us then runs up to the stage "Ok everyone! Party is over. Unless you are Four, Tris, Will, Christina, Marlene, Uriah, or Lynn and Shauna, get the hell out of my house!"

Everyone groans and complains. But they do leave. Peter glares at me as he walks out, Tobias must notice because he sends me a concerned glance.

I shrug and walk over to the circle on the ground that our friends created.

"So. Truth or Dare. If you don't want to do one or the other, you have to take off an piece of clothing" Zeke says

Great, now I have to do everything.

"So... Who wants to go first?" Zeke asks

"Can I?" Christina asks. Zeke nods.

"Okay, Tris Truth or Dare?"

I'm screwed either way.. "Truth"

"Why did you run away from the lunch room today?" Well shit, I wasn't expecting that.

"Um.. I just.." I clear my throat "Um..." I squeeze my eyes shut.

Dammit, I can't do this. It was already too much telling Tobias. I can't tell all of them... Not all in one day..

My eyes well up with tears and I swallow thickly..

"I.. um... I have to go" I mumble quickly, and run as fast as I can out the door and across the street.

I lock the front door and sink against it.

I just can't tell them. I don't have the strength too. I am getting weaker everyday. I don't even know how the hell I told Tobias. I am so pathetic.

They are all probably sitting over there, thinking 'What the hell just happened?'

What did just happen? Why do I always run away from my problems? I'm so weak, I'm just absolutely pitiful. I just can't do this anymore.

I am startled by a loud knock on my door "Tris? Tris I know you are in there, please open the door"... Tobias.

No. I can't do it. I've had enough for today. I just can't face him right now. I stand up and run up the stairs.

I change into a big white Blink-182 T-shirt and some black shorts.

I go into my bathroom and unwrap the gauze from my arm. Thankfully the cuts have stopped bleeding. It's getting warmer out so instead of adding anymore to my arms, I add some to my thighs.

It seems like a cycle, throughout Fall and Winter months I do my arms, that way no one asks why am I wearing longsleeves through the summer, then during the Spring and Summer months I start on my thighs, that way they are covered by my shorts.

As I bring the razor down on my skin I think about how people say this is a joke.

Peter called me an 'Attention Whore'. If what I am doing is for attention, then why do I go to such great lengths to hide the scars? If it were for attention, I would be doing this in front of your face, not in my bathroom.

The words are circling around my head again... _Bitch, Slut, Whore, Pathetic, Weak, Broken. _

Words from my father, from Peter, and from myself.

I do 6 cuts on my upper right thigh and 4 and my left, the second the blood comes out of the cut, in a perfect dotted line, I feel relief. A lot of people may think when someone cuts they hold the blade with shaky hands, they are sobbing, and have no control over their actions. When in reality, we are calm.

I put away the blade and wipe off my legs. I walk into my room and fall on the bed, face first.

I hear a tap on my window, and I groan because I know it's Tobias. I slip on a plain black hoodie and I slide black sweat pants over my shorts.

I pull back the curtains and unlock my window.

"What Tobias?" I ask

"Are you alright?"

I roll my eyes. "What do you think?" I ask. He shrugs sadly.

"I'm sorry I ran out Tobias, but I can't deal with all of them watching me, and asking what's wrong when I just can't tell them" I admit

"I get it Tris, it's okay. But... I'm not saying you have to, but why do you feel like you can't tell them?" He asks

"Because they won't understand" I mumble.

"I understood" He says

"That's different..."

"How so?" He asks

I shrug "It just is"

"TOBIAS!" I hear a man shout, probably Marcus.

Tobias's eyes darken. "I have to go. We are going to talk tomorrow, I promise"

"Okay... Goodnight" I whisper

He smiles "Night" He quickly closes his window and shuts his curtains.

I slowly stand up, when I am about to close my window I hear a weird sound, it almost sounded like a groan I look back outside but I can't really tell where it was coming from. I shrug it off and lie down in bed.

Just before I close my eyes I hear that sound again, but this time it was louder, more like a scream. But I am too far gone to process anything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: OMG! WHAT HAPPENED TO TOBIAS?! I have a lot of free time tomorrow, so I will update this story and My Recurring Nightmare! **

**I hope you all liked it. I know Truth or Dare wasn't anything exciting, but I didn't want it to be. Although I will have another T or D chapter in the future, so don't worry about that ;) **

**Thanks for all the reviews! I love you guys! **

**Please Review, Favorite and Follow! Thank you!**

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

*****Remember go check out my Pinterest. Link in my Bio!*****

_My Story isn't over yet **;**_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm so so so so sorry I didn't update. I've really had a full plate lately. I've just been going through a lot of shit and it hasn't been a very good week... I think it's been 10 days since my last update and God only knows when I last updated "My Recurring Nightmare" Like I actually feel sick thinking about it. I'm really freaking sorry everyone. **

_Someone the World Forgot:_ **Maaayyybeee... **

_1FANGIRL:_ **Aw, thanks. I know you were I'm sorry.. But I will have a real T or D party in a few chapters :) **

_thefandomlyfe:_ ***gasps* Your correct :) It's no problem. I really felt the need to release a lot of the stress in my life and I thought making a story like this would help me, and maybe writing would stop me from relapsing. Hasn't exactly yet, but I'm trying. I know, depression sucks, I'm glad that you got over most of it, but I don't think that kind of thing ever goes away. But Thank you very much. If you want to PM me you can. I'm always here to talk. **

_DauntlessRunner46: _** I read it and I FREAKING LOVE IT! I can't believe she came up the box! It was like...*MIND-BLOWN FREAKING PLOT TWIST MAN***

_TO THE GUEST WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT Pinterest: _ **Okay, lol. So What is your name on Pinterest? Cause I have a few recent followers so I don't know which one you are... And no problem. Thanks :) **

_ten3at0n:_**Aww... Thank you so much! :) **

_Thefirststiff:_ **Thank you, I'm really glad :) **

**Okay! So this week I have been reading "If I Stay" (I saw the movie -like three times- but I never got around to reading the book) Anyway. That book is so amazing! It like followed the movie so well! And the way it was written like, ugh! It gave me chills. So if you have not read it yet.. READ IT!**

_**OMG! WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF THE INSURGENT TRAILERS! I THINK WE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO SEE FOUR'S SOFT, TOBIAS SIDE IN THIS MOVIE! EEEEKKK**_

**Alrighty so here goes nothing. I hope you like it :)**

*******I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY AT THE BOTTOM A/N SO PLEASE READ THAT*****  
><strong>

**Enjoy c:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! **

* * *

><p>TOBIAS'S POV:<p>

_"Okay Tris Truth or Dare?" Christina asks. _

She hesitates before answering "Truth"

I send Christina a death glare, but she ignores it.

"Why did you run away from the lunch room today?" Dammit Christina!

"Um.. I just" She clears her throat "Um.." Her eyes screw shut.

I shake my head lightly. I can't believe Chris is doing this to her right now. Tris shouldn't have to answer to anybody. If she doesn't want to tell them, she shouldn't have to.

"I.. um, I have to go." She mumbles and runs out of the house.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask Christina.

"What do you mean?" She asks with her head down.

"Why would you ask that Chris?" Marlene asks

She shrugs "I don't know, I just thought she would tell us. We are her best friends, I don't know why she always keeps her feelings a secret"

"Yeah, like does she not trust us?" Zeke asks.

"I don't think its that. She probably just doesn't want to talk about it" Will says

"What did she tell you Four?" Zeke asks.

I sigh and stand "Its up to her to tell you. I'm going to go see if she's okay" I say then bolt out the door and across the street. I knock loudly on the door in case she's in her room. "Tris? Tris I know you are in there, please open the door"

I hear some movement then a door upstairs slam shut. I sigh and walk into my house. Marcus shouldn't be home for at least another hour.

I walk up to my room and open my window that is right across from hers. I take a deep breath and step out on the tree branch that is in between our houses and lightly tap on her window. Keeping my eyes focused forward, never looking down...

After a few minutes her window opens,

"What Tobias?" She asks

"Are you alright?" She rolls her eyes... Dumb question.

"What do you think?" She asks harshly. I shrug.

She sighs "I'm sorry I ran out Tobias, but I can't deal with all of them watching me, and asking what's wrong when I just can't tell them"

"I get it Tris, it's okay. But... I'm not saying you have to, but why do you feel like you can't tell them? I ask

"Because they won't understand" She mumbles.

"I understood"

"That's different..." She counters.

"How so?" I ask. She shrugs

"It just is"

"TOBIAS!" Shit...

"I have to go. We are going to talk tomorrow, I promise" I say quickly

"Okay... Goodnight" She whispers.

I smile. "Night"

I close my window and my curtains as fast as I can and make my way down stairs at record speed.

"Tobias.." His words are slurred... Great, he's drunk. This will be fun.

His fist comes down like a brick on my cheek. I moan and try to stand up straight.

He kicks me in the gut and I fly onto the ground. I groan loudly and he smacks me again... Right.. I can't make any noise.

"Take off your shirt boy!" His voice bellows throughout the house.

I strip it off and prepare for the belt to make contact with my back once again... But it doesn't.

I look up at him, and he is holding something different in his hand.. something silver.

When he turns fully I can see what it is clearly. A knife...

"You know son.. There was a period when I actually loved your mother... When she wasn't a good-for-nothing-whore. I then decided that when she died.. thankfully.. you would never disrespect me the way she did. But the other night when you punch me in the face... I wasn't exactly... Happy" He says with venom in his voice, the knife twirling in his fingers.

My chest rises and falls rapidly.

"So, let's make sure that you never do that.. again" Then all of a sudden a white hot burning pain is spread through my side.

I scream out in pain. "Is that understood? Then he walks away.

I look to my right and see the knife sticking out of my waist. Shit...

I try my best to get to a sitting position, but it hurts too much.

I look at the area where he stabbed me; I was thinking about knife throwing as a hobby. So I started doing research on it. One thing I found was a diagram of a body, and it showed that if you were to get stabbed or cut in these areas - because there is no major arteries there - it wouldn't do any damage to internal organs. One part was your shoulder, the top of your ear and the section of my waist that currently has a knife sticking out of it. **(I'm not sure is these are legit, so please do not take my word on them!)**

With shaky hands and labored breaths I squeeze my eyes shut and pull the knife out.

I groan and bite my lip so hard that it starts to bleed. I drop the knife on the floor and walk -more like limp- into the kitchen. I grab a bottle of Marcus's whiskey and slowly get into the downstairs bathroom. I should probably go to the hospital, but its not that deep and I would be dead, literally dead, if I went to the hospital and they found my scars. So I just settle on cleaning it myself.

I get a washcloth and wet it to start cleaning up the outside of the wound and around it. I then get rubbing alcohol... I take a couple swigs of the whiskey to numb the pain. Then I start cleaning the wound.

It hurts like a bitch and I clench my jaw to stop from screaming out.

I take a deep breath and wrap my lower torso in white medical cloth.

Once my waist is wrapped and secured, I slowly, and insanely carefully walk upstairs to my room. I groan as I try to lie down. But eventually I do.

Falling into a restless slumber.

* * *

><p><strong>TRIS'S POV : <strong>

"I need your love, like a boy needs his mother's side!" I groan and turn off the music that is blaring through my phone. I roll off of bed and start to get ready for the day.

I head to my closet, I decide I want to look a little bit nicer today so I grab a fitted black suit jacket, a black tank top to go underneath. Red skinny jeans and my black combat boots.

I walk into the bathroom and do what I usually do. I brush my hair and pull in into my normal high ponytail, brush my teeth, wash my face and apply a small amount of makeup, eyeliner and mascara.

I grab my bag and make myself a cup of coffee. I chug it as I run up the stairs. I grab my phone, and I decide to call Tobias.

He picks up on the second ring.

_'Hey Tris'_

"Hey"

_'What's up? Is everything okay?'_

"Yeah, yeah everything is fine. I was wondering if you wanted a ride to school today?"

_'Heh, um I actually at school..'_

"What?" I take my phone away from my ear and look at the time... "Shit!" I have 10 minutes until the warning bell.

I grab my keys and my bag from the kitchen and start my car, all in under 20 seconds...

As I pull away I can hear laughing. I look down and see that I'm still on the phone with Tobias

"I'm glad that you are finding this funny"

He quickly composes himself _'I'm sorry... Where are you?'_

"Like 4 minutes away I guess"

_'Alright... Don't get a ticket please' _

"I won't" I promise

_'I'll see you in a few okay?'_

"Alright. I'm almost there"

_'Okay.. Bye'_

"Bye" As I hang up the phone I turn into the school parking lot. I drive around and find a car right next to Christina's cherry red 2013 Mustang V6 Premium.

I grab my bag and throw it across my shoulder, I lock my car and run into school.

I quickly walk through the semi empty hallway, until I get to my locker, passing some students getting last minute things for class. When I finally get to my locker I see Tobias leaning against it, smirking. He wears a long sleeved dark orange and navy blue plaid shirt with black jeans and grey Converse. I would be lying if I didn't find the sight of him right now, kind of sexy... What the hell did I just say?

I narrow my eyes at him playfully and he moves away from my locker dramatically, still smirking.

I roll my eyes and open my locker to get a couple things. Once I close my locker and turn around Tobias is standing there with his hands in his pockets, staring at me

"What?" I ask. He shakes his head. I put my books in my bag and give him a hug. My arms wrap around his firm abdomen and he hisses through his teeth. I instantly pull back, let go of him and back up a foot.

"Are you alright?" I ask

He nods "Yeah, sorry I-" He gets cut off my the bell ringing. "I'll tell you later" Then we start walking to class together.

We walk into math and I just keep my head down. Avoiding every ones eyes.

I sit down at my desk and pull out my books. Never once looking up.

"How's it going?" I hear Peter whisper in my ear.

"Go to hell" I whisper back.

"Not a chance sweetheart" He whispers. He picks up a strand of my hair and twirls it in his fingers, it sends unpleasant chills down my spine.

"So I was thinking, maybe tonight if you were interested we could-"

I cut him off "You're dating Molly"

"Eh. She won't care. I've never been with a slut before. I thought it might be.. interesting" He smirks.

I put my head down and ignore anything else he has to say. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Tobias's hand's clenching into fists.

I clear my throat and shoot him a look, telling him to ignore him. He sighs, obviously frustrated that he can't punch him in the jaw...

The door opens and Mr. Max walks in "Sorry I'm late guys"

(TIME SKIP TO LUNCH)

Tobias has stayed close by me all morning, which I am thankful for because I don't think I can face the group right now.

But now that we are walking into the lunch room, I know it's inevitable.

Once we grabbed our trays, I slowly start making my way over to our table. Tobias notices and puts a comforting hand on the small of my back.

I walk a little faster to the table. It shouldn't be as bad as I am thinking... I'm probably just overreacting.

I sit down in between Uriah and Tobias. Tobias is between me and Lynn. The chatter that was once filling the table is now met with an intimidating silence. I keep my eyes focused on my plate, not daring to look up. I can feel everyone's stare on me. Do they expect me to talk first?

"Tris?" I hear Christina ask. I slowly rise my head up to look at her. Her usual happy, carefree expression is changed to one full of guilt..It make's my heart sink.

"I'm so sorry! I should've never asked you that question. Especially during a game of Truth or Dare. I'm sorry, I don't want anything to be awkward between us anymore. I just wanted you to open up to us. We hardly talk as much as we used too and I just want my friend back. I'm so-" She starts to ramble.

"Chris?" I cut her off

"No, Tris... you need to-"

"Christina, it's okay" I say over her.

"Wha.. Really?" She asks

I nod "It's alright... I.. I overreacted"

"No Tris.. You had every right to act that way. I crossed the line. I'm really sorry" Chris says... Wow, I love Christina, but that is the first time I've ever heard her apologize about anything that has come out of her mouth.

"It's alright Chris... It's hard to explain. I had already told Four that morning and saying it twice in one day and to so many people, it just overwhelmed me" I say

"That's understandable" Will says sincerely.

"I will tell you guys.. Just.. Not now" I say. They all nod.

Christina stands up and runs around the table, since she was sitting in front of me. She walks behind me and I stand, she wraps her arms around me and I give her a tight hug in return.

"I'm sorry" She says, her voice cracking. "Me too" I say

She pulls back and wipes her finger under her eye to remove any makeup stains.

She sniffles then laughs and I start laughing with her.

As we sit down and the rest of the group is smiling at us.

"Well, I'm glad that's settled.. Who want's cake?!" Uriah shouts

My smile fades and I sip on my water. A common, nervous thing I do when I feel like I am pressured to eat.

"You want some Tris?" Uriah nudges my shoulder as he begins to stand.

I shake my head "Nah, I'm good"

"You sure?" He asks one more time. I nod.

"Alright. Brb bitches" He says and then walks away.

"You okay?" Tobias whispers in my ear. I ever so slightly shake my head 'No'

He gives me a lop-sided smile that makes me weak at the knees... Okay seriously what am I saying?

"So I heard Tori is going to have us write our own songs this week" Shauna says.

"Really? That'd be so cool.. I don't really know how good we'd be at that though" Marlene says with a smile

"Pfft.. Ladies... We got this" Zeke says gesturing to himself, Will and Tobias.

Uriah comes back, skipping like a 4 year old and places two trays on the table with 5 pieces of cake on each tray.

We all chat while they eat their cake, I remain silent for the most part and just move the food around my plate, making it look like I ate.

When the bell rings we head off to music.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so some of you -I have no idea how- know about this weeks project" Tori starts "So you will be given a partner and you have to write your own song. No remakes of any songs, no stealing lyrics from songs. Make it orginal." She says<p>

"So. I am going to be calling out names and those guys will be your partners...

Will and Marlene

Tris and Uriah

Christina and Shauna

Lynn and Zane

Four and Zeke

Molly and Amber

Peter and Aaron-"

I kind of zone out after that. I feel bad for Aaron. I don't really know him, but he seems like a really nice guy. He is pretty tall, at least 5'9, he has dark red hair and wears nerdy glasses. He seems like a tech-y. I just feel bad that he got stuck with that asshole.

But why am I slightly upset that I wasn't paired with Tobias? I mean we used to be partners all the time when we were younger, I was never mad when he was paired with someone else... So why do I feel so giddy whenever I see him now. Why does my heart flutter when he smiles at me? What the hell?

"Okay. So that's it for today. We are going to have a little contest at the end of the week on Saturday. Here in the schools theater. I'll make flyers and all that crap for you guys tomorrow" Tori says. She turns her back and starts picking things up at her desk

"Class is over, get your asses out of here" She says smiling.

We grab our things and head to homeroom.

* * *

><p>"Hey Tris?" Tobias calls out as I'm walking to my car<p>

"Hey" I say back

"So, do you want to hang out tonight?" He asks

"Yeah sure. Come over in an hour I guess" He nods and walks off to wherever his car is.

* * *

><p>The second I open my door the phone rings... Hmm, hardly anyone calls the house phone anymore that I almost forget we even have one.<p>

I shrug and answer it anyway

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Prior?" A female voice asks

"Yes?" I say. They could be talking about me or my mother so we will just see where this goes.

"Good evening, this his Amanda Hayes. My son Peter goes to school with your daughter Tris" My spine goes ridged..

"Yes, she does. I'm sorry, but what is this about?" I ask, changing the tone in my voice a bit.

"Well... My son was at a party a the other night. The one that the Pedrad's house, and he noticed something about Tris"

"And?" I question

"Well. Natalie, Peter thinks your daughter self-harms..." She trails off.

"Really? Well, I for one know that my daughter is perfectly fine. So you should tell your son, and yourself to stay out of my, my daughters and our families business" I say sternly.

"Well, Natalie. If she is, don't you think she needs mental help?" Amanda says

"Mental help?!" I ask in incredulously

"Yes. When someone goes so low as to hurting themselves I believe it's a mental problem" She says. My eyes become blurry, I have to hold on the the counter to steady myself

"Never call this house again" I say deathly quiet, then I hang up the phone so hard that the handle breaks... oops.

I stumble upstairs and straight into my bathroom.

My chest rises and falls at a pace that I can't even keep up with. I grab a new razor so it's extra sharp. I shrug off my jacket and sit cross-legged on the floor, my back leaning against the edge of my bathtub.

I few tears leak down my face until I am full on sobbing. I don't know how long I sit here but I finally take a deep breath and wipe my face.

I firmly grip the blade and bring it down on my arms. I don't care about the weather anymore, I just need relief from this now. My body feels so weak.

I can barely sit up straight anymore. Why don't I just end this? I bring the blade and rest it on top of the vein on my left wrist. I take a deep breath through my nose and let it out from my mouth. I bite my lip and grip the blade tighter until my fingers turn white.

I hear something downstairs but I can't tell because my ears are ringing profusely.

I take one more breath and press the blade down on my arm as hard as I can. I scream on the top of my lungs until it burns.

I hear a loud, fast, rhythmic thudding.

I'm starting to see block spots crowd around my vision. My eyes get heavier, I just can't stay awake anymore.

I do want to know who's in my house, but it doesn't matter. They won't miss me, and if they are here to kill me, I'm almost dead anyway.

"Tris! NO!"

Is the last thing I hear before I fade into oblivion..

I just hope its not Tobi-

* * *

><p><strong>AN: oh... my... bleeping... gosh... That totally came out of nowhere. Like I didn't even plan that I just started typing and it all came out... woah. Like I'm shocked by that! DO NOT WORRY! I WILL NOT BE VERONICA ROTH! So this is 4,050 words.. not bad**

**So that little Tris/Christina moment was real. That happened between me and my best friend when she was pressuring me about eating in front of other people... So yea.. **

**Also Aaron is a real friend of mine too.. Idk, I just needed characters ;) **

**I really hope this makes up for not updating in like a week and a half. Which I AM SO SORRY FOR! **

_******SO THE IMPORTANT THINGY I WANTED TO SAY******_

_**Everyone! Go read and review 'Sometimes Love Helps' by PotatosGonnaPotate**_

_**An amazing Divergent Fanfic! Seriously go check it out! Like now... DO IT! **_

**ALSO!: I am thinking of another story idea. Obviously not to post anytime soon, because I am still trying to write Two stories and are currently sucking at doing so... .ANYWAY! **

**_I need help with Story Titles:_**

**This is the summary I came up with:**

" Four, after being help hostage, comes back from overseas and develops PTSD. How will, a very pregnant, Tris react. What will happen to their family? What happens when Four is needed back in the fight?"

**What do you think?**

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

**Don't forget to check out my Pinterest. (link in bio)**

_"What if I can't for get you? _

_I'll burn your name into my throat, I'll be the fire that'll catch you."_

_-Pierce the Veil_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello! How is everyone? I'm sorry for my insane updating schedule lately.. I'm really trying to keep it on track but the past few weeks have been crazy and a lot to handle. I'm really sorry guys. **

**And so, for that cliff hanger... Hahaha, sorry-not-sorry. I was going to put a Hashtag first, but then I realized how stupid that would be haha**

**So now for my favorite part: Reviews! **

_Pixieroo:_ **Thank you so much. I'm glad you are enjoying them :) **

_thatfandomlyfe:_ **Hahaha, sorry... well kind of. Lol. Glad you liked it! **

_DreamerDayjob:_ **Lol, please don't die... Thank you so much**

_DauntlessRunner46:_** Haha, I had the exact same reaction to Allegiant! lol. But thanks, and yea, please update your story soon. I really want to know what happens to Tris! :) **

_Shadowpletlove:_ **No worries there ;) **

_AppleOrchards:_ **Thank you so much. I know right?! It kind of depends, sometimes 1-2 hours, then sometimes 3 hours. It all depends on how long or in-depth the chapters are. Or if I have to do research on them. But average time is 1-3 hours. **

_Someone the World Forgot:_ **I know! I'm alive! lol. Yeah that sounds great. Thanks :)**

_1FANGIRL:_ **Haha, thanks. I know, I was't even expecting that. I just kind of let my fingers type lol. Glad you like it! Thanks, I like 'Stay with Me'. I'll have to think about it. But I'm not planning on writing it for a while. **

_Guest:_** Thanks :) I'll try. Its really hard too, but I will. **  
><span>

**Okie. So now is the time to find out what happens to our dear Tris.. *insert dramatic music***

**Enjoy :) **

**Disclaimer: Ughhhh I don't own anything!**

* * *

><p><strong>TOBIAS'S POV:<strong>

"So I am going to be calling out names and those guys will be your partners..." Tori says.

"Will and Marlene

Tris and Uriah" I feel my chest deflate. I don't know why I felt so excited at the thought that we could be partners. I just... this is a weird feeling and-

I get snapped out of my thoughts by hearing my name get called "Four and Zeke" Well.. at least I am with my bestfriend. Well, used to be bestfriends, he still doesn't know it's me. I'm not sure if I should tell him yet, or even tell him at all. We basically picked our friendship up where we left off, but he just doesn't know it's with the same person.

Tori tells us to leave, so I gather my books and exit class.

* * *

><p>"Hey Four" I turn around and see Zeke walking up to me "What's up man?" I ask<p>

"Well, can we start writing tomorrow?" He asks. I nod "Yeah that's fine. I honestly don't know what to write about yet anyways" I smile.

He laughs "Alright man," he pats my shoulder "I gotta go catch up with one fine lady I get the pleasure to call my girlfriend" He smirks, as he runs down the hall, I shout after him "Zeke!" He whips his head around

"Use condoms!" I shout. His face turns red as everyone in the hallway looks at him. He flips me off with a smile and runs out of the building.

As I'm walking out of school I see Tris walking to her car. I don't know what comes over me, but I call out to her.

"Hey Tris"

"Hey" She says, as I catch up to her.

"So, do you want to hang out tonight?" I ask

"Yeah sure. Come over in an hour I guess" She says. I nod and walk off to my car with a goofy smile on my face.

* * *

><p>As I pull into my drive way, I see Tris's car parked in hers. I walk inside my house and run upstairs.<p>

I don't have anything to do for another hour, so I just do some homework to get that out of the way.

(45 MINUTES LATER)

I put my books back in my bag for tomorrow. There wasn't much to do, so it didn't take me very long. I notice that it's only been 45 minutes. I might as well walk over now.

I close and lock my door, putting my keys and phone in my back pocket. I walk over to Tris's house and as soon as I'm about to knock on the door I hear a thud in the house. I twist the doorknob and it opens.

I walk in and close the door.

"Hello?" I call out. I don't hear a response. I look in the kitchen and see a broken phone... Well that is pretty weird...

"Tris?" I say. Once again, nothing. I am about to go upstairs when I hear a blood-curdling scream. I run upstairs as fast as I can and open the door to her room. I don't see her in here, but I hear a faint whimpering coming from her bathroom. I move towards the door and cautiously open it.

As I open the door I can feel all the air get knocked out of my lungs. Tris. My Tris, lying on the floor covered in her own blood.

She moans in pain and drops her head to the ground.

"Tris! NO!" I shout. I run over to her and lift her head in my hands.

I place two fingers on her neck to make sure she still has a pulse. Faint but still there. With shaking hands I call 911

"Hello, 911. What is your emergency?" I female voice asks on the other side of the phone.

I frantically tell her the situation and tell her the address. She assures me that the hospital is only a 5 minute drive away and the ambulance will be there very soon.

The second I hang up the phone I can hear the sirens wailing. Her bedroom lights up red from the flashing lights out on the street.

I hear a loud bang and a few men call out. I shout so they know we are upstairs. Three men come into the bathroom, one with a medical bag, and the other two pushing a stretcher.

The one man with the bag checks her pulse and does a few different things with her body, while the other man pulls me away from her.

"Who are you?" he asks

"Four Eaton" he nods. "What's her name?"

"Tris Prior" he nods again.

"I'm Amar. Don't worry, she'll be okay" He puts a hand on my shoulder and I nod, but I don't exactly believe him. The two men and Amar lift her and get her situated on the stretcher and start to move her down stairs at lighting speed. I follow them the whole way. We make it outside and they lift her into the ambulance. I am about to get in with her when the other man whose name tag says 'George' puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not leaving her side" I say firmly. He nods "Get in"

"Four!" I turn my head and see Zeke and Shauna running towards the ambulance.

"What the hell... Tris.." Zeke whispers.

"Call everyone and follow us" I instruct quickly. He nods and runs to his car with Shauna who has tears streaming down her face.

The back doors to the ambulance close and they drive away, punching the gas as fast as they can.

I squeeze Tris's hand as Amar and George put an IV in her arm and start to give her CPR.

Before I can even blink we are at the Emergency room. They take her out and wheel her into the hospital, shouting different things I can't understand at the nurses and doctors, who are running towards her.

I stand there and watch them push her away. I have to fight back the urge to chase after her, but I know it would do more harm than good.

I walk backwards until my back hits a wall and I slide down it.

I just sit there and let everything sink in. She could've died... my Tris could've died. I feel water slide down my cheek, but I quickly brush it away. I can't cry, I have to be stronger than this... Stronger for Tris.

"Four!" I hear someone shout out of breath. My head whips upwards and I see the whole group running towards me.

"What happened?" Uriah asks.

"I don't even know. She asked me to come over after school, so I did. When I went over I heard a scream, then I went upstairs and she was passed out in her bathroom... covered in her blood." I whisper the last part.

"I don't even know where she was bleeding from" I sigh and lean my head against the wall and close my eyes.

All the 'what if's' are coming into my mind now. What if I wasn't there? What if I waited another 15 minutes before I went over? What if I was too late?

"Come on man" Will says softly, we walk over to the waiting room and sit down. Chris sits down next to Will and he puts his arm around her as silent tears fall down her cheeks.

I rest my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

"Four?" I lift my head up and see the paramedic Amar.

"Where is she?" I ask

"She's with the doctors. She um.. she passed out from the blood loss. But I didn't find out where she was bleeding from" I sigh and nod.

"Thank you" I say. He nods "You know, Four... You saved her life."

I don't say anything, I just stare at the ground. "Here. If you ever need anything... Here is my phone number." He hands me a little piece of paper.

"She'll be alright" He says reassuringly and walks out the doors of the E.R to the ambulance where he gets in with George and the other Paramedic, who's name I didn't find out.

I continue to stare at the ground for, God knows how long. The worst possible outcomes run through my head. I close my eyes and try to think everything will be okay, but I just can't think anything positive right now...

"Tris Prior?" I look up again to see a tan male doctor with black hair and blue eyes, in dark blue scrubs and a white lab coat.

Me and Zeke stand and he comes over to us.

"You are with Tris Prior?" We nod and he continues

"My name is Adam Cooper, I'm Tris's doctor. She has suffered from severe blood loss, and malnourishment. She was pushing her body too far past its limit and she was basically starving herself. Judging by her body size, this has been going on for a long time. She has been diagnosed with Anorexia... Now this is the hard part that I have to explain.." He trails off and closes his eyes.

"Okay, so... I found, on Tris... severe cuts on her arms... Self harm cuts to be exact. Now I understand that this is probably something that she wanted to keep hidden, but it's necessary that I tell you. The cut on her left wrist, was very, very deep and she broke her vein. Now judging by the story that the paramedics told us, and the scars as well as the fresh cuts on her arm... We have concluded with the theory that this was an attempted... Suicide"

Suicide... "Suicide?" I question quietly... He sighs "Yes.. I'm afraid so." Zeke clamps a hand over his mouth and I hear one of the girls choke on a sob.

I run my left hand through my hair and turn around, so my back is facing the doctor.. I turn my head around to look at him "Can I see her?"

He nods. "Only a few at a time please. But yes. She is still asleep, we have her on some pain killers and we have insulin in her IV to build up her metabolism."

I am about to walk away when he stops me with a hand on my shoulder "You need to understand... when she wakes up, she's going to be very confused. She... She wasn't expecting to wake up.. So it may be upsetting for her, and.. You are just going to have to be very careful around her" I nod and he leads me to her room.

Before he opens the door and he turns to me and gives me a sad smile "I'm sorry. She's going to be okay once she wakes up." He promises.

I nod "Thank you." He nods and I slowly open the door.

As I enter the room I see her lying there, peacefully sleeping. She almost looks happy. Then I look down and see her arms. Wrapped in white, but stained with red. I sit down next to her in the chair and hold her left hand. I see all the scars covering her arms, and then I realize how many times she needed someone and how many times, I wasn't there for her. I lean down and kiss everyone of her scars, on her left arm, that aren't wrapped in bandages.

I lace my fingers with hers. Her hands are warm, which sparks a little bit of hope in me.

I put my face next to hers and kiss her cheek, then I whisper in her ear "Hold on Tris, pain ends"

I sit back down, my hand still in hers, as the rest of the group comes in, completely ignoring the doctor's requests to only have a few people in here. But I don't really care.

They all stare at her arms and tears run down their faces. "I never knew it was this bad" Zeke whispers

"I'm such an idiot" Christina sobs quietly. "I never would've pressured her about eating if I new this" she croaks out.

Will rubs her back "You didn't know Chris.. None of us knew" he whispers.

A female nurse comes in "I'm sorry.. I have to change her bandages... I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave. There are too many people in here" She says sadly.

"You're not leaving are you Four?" Zeke asks. I shake my head. He nods "I need to call our mom" He says and everyone nods

"We will come back first thing in the morning. I say we all skip school" Marlene says. Everyone nods in agreement.

"Okay. Do you need anything Four?" Shauna asks. I shake my head and they all leave.

The nurse does what she needs to do. "Excuse me" She says and I let go of Tris's hand so she can change the bandage. I gasp lightly when she exposes the skin.

The red, angry skin is all puffy and irritated. The nurse applies medication on the cut and re-wraps it. She gives me a sad smile as she exits the room.

I lace my fingers with Tris's again and sigh. I don't know what to do here... But I sure as hell know what I am going to write this song about.

I slowly let go of Tris's hand and grab a notepad and pen from the table beside Tris's bed and start writing.

I'm not letting Tris go. She needs to know everything about me... I am finally going to tell her about Marcus... we both have scars.. we shouldn't be ashamed of them. Her and I are both the same.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Woohoo! Tris is alive! I told you guys that I wouldn't be V.R ;) I really hope you guys enjoyed this! It's kind of shorter than my other chapters. But I thought it was kind of a lot happening in this chapter. So I thought I should stop it right there.. **

**Anyways. Did you like it? Please please please please review! I love reading them you guys are so amazing! Thank you so much! **

**Please Favorite, Follow and Review! Love you guys! **

**Be Brave my little Pansycakes**

**~M**

_I thought heros were supposed to be invincible. _

_But then I saw the battle wounds traced across your skin and I realized, you might not be invincible, but you're the strongest hero I could ever ask for. _

_Because demons fight a war inside you, never giving you a rest. _

_Yet, you still build up the strength to ask everyone else "How are you?"_


End file.
